Angels and Demons

I am not sure why I am writing so many posts on religion Perhaps my tooth ache problem has made aware of my own mortality

I went to see the film "Angels and Demons" last week. This was an action film based on Dan Brown's book of the same name. Dan Brown is a member of the cult know as the illiterate, dedicated to the destruction of a well crafted sentence.

I enjoyed the film, since it was more an action movie with some symbols thrown in. The movie starts in CERN. As the review in the guardian notes, CERN looks much more impressive than St Peters.

As part of the plot, one character complains about the "God particle". This is actually the Higgs boson, and has nothing to with God, (unless it doesn't exist). The Higgs boson was named the "God particle" by the nobel prize winning physicist Leon Lederman. He probably thought that this was a good idea at the time, but somehow "the God particle" quest has cheapened and confused the purpose of High Energy Physics. I am slowly reading Lederman's book, which that I really like, so I don't want to criticize the guy.

While I was sitting on the toilet this morning, I was pondering on the amount of complete bullshit that is used to "explain" particle physics to the masses, and thinking how I could make things worse. I had an idea, as my bowels finally moved.

In super symmetry, a candidate theory for physics beyond the standard model, there are actually two doublets of Higgs bosons. So there is not just one "God particle", but two! Given that is is pretty important to Christianity that there is only one God, it is clear that the prediction of the bible is that super symmetry doesn't exist. If more than one Higgs boson is found then the pagans were correct, and Christianity is wrong, irrespective of anyone's faith.

The key question is how I can dress this up so that the Templeton foundation will give me money. I need to write this up as a popular book. I will be shunned by the high energy physics community, but I will be rich and a celebrity, and I will still have my integrity, because I didn't mention black holes.

Mother Teresa

Sometimes when you read books by people on left they see evil everywhere and you start to not to trust their polemic. However, after reading Hitchens book "the missionary position", I really feel that Mother Teresa was an evil woman. She was a religious extremist who did not believe in dying in dignity.

Hitchens has an interesting history. He was a darling of the left, but he supported the second gulf war and the Bush administration. Partly because he felt it was correct that Sadam was ousted.

Martini

When I was about 18 I was very impressed with the autobiography of Luis Bunuel called my last breath. I am going to discuss Bunuel's films, or surrealism, but focus more on the perfect Martini.

In the book he describes the perfect Martini. A martini is made from Gin and vermouth, and sometimes vodka. I tracked down a bottle of vermouth from a shop on Byers Rd. Unfortunately, I don't have any proper Martini glasses, and I am reduced to splashing vermouth into a shot glass, and then filling it with gin. Also I can't fit an olive in the glass as well. In the past I am sure I could have got the correct glasses from Woolworths. I watched the recent James Bond movie, where he drinks Martinis on a private jet.

I am so classy. In the book by Bunuel he recommends letting the rays of the sun pass through the vermouth and into the ice cold gin.

Obviously please drink responsibly. In particular please keep away from gin and tonic. In my experince the people who drink G&Ts are wankers.

Tomorrow Stories

I have been on a voyage of discovery through the world of comics and graphical novels, provided by the kind folks at Hillhead library in Glasgow.

One of the heros of comics is Alan Moore. He wrote the Watchmen novel, "V is for Vendetta" that are classics I have happily read.

So I had high hopes for "Tomorrow Stories" by Alan Moore. However, I found the irony too heavy. It was as though Alan felt that comic books were read by sad losers. I could cry.

late night taxi

I am living in a quiet residential area. Occasionally I hear children playing outside and the descrete closing of car doors, but usually not much more.

However people in this building are taking a lot of taxis. I regularly hear the honking of a car horn after 22:00. This makes me feel miserable, because somebody is going off into the city centre to some nightclub or some boozy Glasgow dive. I am sitting at home watching TV (or youtube videos). Perhaps I should rush out and steal their taxi.

"Where to sir?"
"Take me to the party"

Kierkegaard

I am feeling tired, depressed and unwanted at the moment. So now is not a good time to learn about the philosophy of Kierkegaard. I picked up a graphical book (introducing Kierkegaard) of his ideas. as part of a 2 for 1 offer with a book I actually wanted.

What i actually get out of reading this type of book is sometimes beyond me. Sometimes the ideas of recent philosophers is hidden in blocks of text (padded out), so the graphical books gives me the basic ideas fairly fast (I want knowledge now), but is probably uncool to admit.

Persepolis (book)

I had planned to spend the day doing some fits. But in the afternoon I read "Persepolis" by Marjane Satrapi instead. This is a graphical novel about a woman's upbringing in Iran and Austria. The book hooked me in so that I had to finish it in one session.

It was interesting to read about the problems of growing up in Iran. However, the author seemed very self centered, and would probably annoy me if we ever met. When she came back to Iramn, I was expecting that her parents were driven into poverty, because they had to pay for her bring abroad, but no, they had disposable income.

The last paragraph seems a wee bit critical, she did stand up to authority in a way I can't be bothered to do. She also looks cute on the wikipedia page.

I now know about Iran.

Letter to a christian Nation

I was listening to some religious program on radio 4 just after East. The priest was boasting about his Easter service. Somehow this involved a huge burning fire in the early morning. He led his congregation into the darkened church for mass.

Now I don't know too much about Christianity, but it struck me that the Priest was in the wrong organisation. i would have been an enthusiastic member of his congregation, it a few changes were made. Perhaps some of us could wear black robes, and others would be naked. It would be "fun" to chant some of the prayers backwards.

On a similar theme, I just finished reading "Letter to a Christian nation" a book by Sam Harris. This is a very short book, with many good points. In the past I have had "a live and let live attitude" to these Christians, but extremism on the rise, perhaps I should argue more.

In the end, you die. There is nothing else. Get over it.

The car is gone

I got up this morning and I decided to have a bath. I wanted to relax and let the hot water melt away the stress from my soul. Well the hot water and bubbles worked. My body was tingling with happiness.

From my kitchen window I can see a convenience store. In front of the store there used to be a silver sports car with its tires slashed. I found that sight to be comforting, as it was a pleasant mix of unattainability and wanton destruction. But today when I looked out the window, in place of the sports car, there is a van with "dial a keg" written on it.

Anyway my day is ruined!

legacy of Jonathan Richman

You know when you are getting old, when you start worrying about your historical legacy. I bought my first Jonathan Richman album in the Virgin megastore in Liverpool. I didn't shop there that much, but one Sunday, I was taking a break from work, and I needed some new sounds. For some reason, I got a modern lovers CD on spec I really like Jonathan Richman's velvet underground inspired sounds, and super-smart lyrics.

These days I have wireless at home, so I don't need to go into work at the weekend. Also I download music. I was disappointed to see that the first result for Richman on youtube is "Dancing at the Lesbian Bar" It is a great clip, but he has done so many other great tracks, such as Roadrunner (that Bob Dylan even played). It is a great video, but...

As part of "my research" for this post you can see another side of the modern lovers.

Design

Last weekend I read "The non-designers design book". This was an useful short book on making documents look cool and interesting. The book was all about choosing fonts and layouts . As I write most of documents using latex, where Knuth has made most of the design decisions for me already, this may be of less relevance. However for talks and seminars, I am getting bored of seeing the same style files constantly in use.

I was intersted to see that it is better not to center everying on the page, but it can look better to either left or right justify text and pictures.

There are four basic principles

• Contrast
• Repetition
• Alignment
• Proximity

Perhaps I will now try reading Designers Are Wankers

Easter morning blues

When I got up this morning, I opened the blinds. On top of the aerial of the house opposite from me was a nasty black crow. It stared at me, but didn't move.

On a red roof close by, a fat bloated seagull pottered about. Two bad omens for the start of good Friday.

Invisibles

I am really enjoying renting and reading graphical novels from Hillhead library. For example I have read 3 volumes of a series called "the invisibles" written by Grant Morrison.

The invisibles are a 5 person cell fighting authority using violence time travel, and various other chemicals and meditation highs. Pure fantasy reading, well perhaps not.

The bus stop for the bus I take to work overlooks a canel. One day there was yellow sign on the grass by the canal warning people not to walk there, because a company was spraying for Japanese wank weed. On the other side of the canal men in huge black gas masks were marching up and down with huge yellow casks on their backs. People mostly ignored the signs, when their dogs need to shit, no deadly weed is going to stop them.

At work more workman walk outside my office on the concrete balcony wearing huge shiny gas masks and muttering to each other in some strange topologically twisted language. The building manager said they were removin asbestos. But that doesn't seem likely for a building built in the 1960s.

One day I walked out to the bus stop. There was a cracked car, its windows were all shattered. White silky fluid was sprayed all over the car. When I came home at night, the car was gone. Perhaps someone was trying to reach me, to give me some kind of message, but was stopped. Too many strange things are happening close to the canal.

death and beans in the afternoon

I don't want to ring your depression bell, but I have predicted my own death. The picture is of my stove top. If you look at carefully you will see that gas is still on. I only use the minimum amount of gas, so that my beans come slowly to the boil. However sometimes I forget to turn the gas off, partly because it not very noticable. One day I will forget and the flames will start, and my bones will become crispy.

Note that one of the reasons that I have survived past the age of 40 is that I know that cooking hot food after coming home from the pub is as dangerous as smoking cigarettes. I am talking about normal day time cooking.

It is very hard to focus on my life, when I know that it will be ended by my need for a can of beans.

Why I am a master non-criminal ?

I was planning on showing a picture of an expensive car, perhaps a Porsche, that is parked in the parking area of my flat. This was to demonstrate that I live in a reasonable area. However, I thought that if I went outside and took a photograph of an expensive car, that would make it look a bit suspicious, as though I was planning on stealing the car. What if I posted a picture of the car on the internet tagged with the location, then a crack team of car thieves would come and nick it. This is the type of thing that makes Daily Mail wet their pants with cowardly rage.

So I took the picture of the car from my window. You can't really see anything, but I don't need to go to prison. The next time you meet me, you may call me "Professor Moriarty", and if I remember this post,I will chuckle wildly.

Where my energy is sucked away

I was forced to move last year. I am now living in a more sedate area. There is a rural canal (convenient for drowning) at the entrance to the crescent where I live. The view is a bit crap, because of the skyscrapers. I can't feel that I am losing my edge because of the village atmosphere hidden away in the Maryhill area of Glasgow.

Google street view doesn't too close to my flat (bastdards). If you are interested and the technology works, you can see that I have to pass through a dark wattery tunnel to get home. This middle class life really is hell.
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The final programme (software still lives on)

While on holiday I read "The final programme" by Michael Moorcock. When I was between 18 and 24 I used to read many books by Moorcock. He wrote a more literary and confusing kind of science fiction, that fused 60s hedonism with surrealism that warmed my loner heart.

I am surprised that I hadn't read this book before. It is the first novel in the Jerry Cornelius quartet. Even with the ravages of time and overslurped wine, I am sure that I have read the other three books in the series. I always wanted to read the first book, because Jerry had a non-stop party at his house for a couple of months (this was actually a bit of let down, as it is described in a single paragraph).

At the end of the book Jerry, either died or became everyone. So I don't think that the Cornelius quartet has a linear time line. The programme in the title refers to software.

Feel the fear and do it anyway (again)

I admit it, I read self help books sometimes. I needed some "positive self talk" to counteract my usual reading about: death, narcotics, torture, software, and business logic. On my books to read shelf I found "Feel the fear and do it anyway" by Susan Jeffers, so I opened it and put it on my reading in progress table. When I started reading I realized I had actually read it before, so the first time I had read it hadn't changed my life. So now I am feeling positive, and if I didn't have a hangover I would really be productive.

Pole dancing

I was in Tesco on Thursday. I dropped my bank card on the floor. I was just gearing up to bend down and pick it up, when a little old lady picked it up for me. "Are you having problems bendind down?", she asked. I didn't thank her! I limped away in shame. I am so unfit at the moment. Too many late night cocktails, eating big meals at lunch, and taking the lift,rather than the stairs. But I can change (hopefully). There used to be a shop near me that rented cars. Now it offers "pole dancing" exercise classes. I could be so fit (and maybe sexy too).

Party on

So the QCDOC is finally switched off, for some of us at least. This was the occasion of the wake for the QCDOC held in my office. The evidence is below.

Invitation to a wake

Invitation to the wake for the QCDOC

On Tuesday 31st March we get kicked off the Edinburgh QCDOC.To celebrate this event, there will be drinks and snacks in office 527 (Craig's office) at 16:30 on Tuesday 31st March.

A short obituary of the QCDOC

The QCDOC was born two and a half years late, to parents who had already divorced. The QCDOC was a sickly child. It would only work for brief periods of time (20 minutes). However it was guarded by jealous and proud parents. After a great  deal of pain for its carers, the QCDOC  started to be slightly useful, just as  the money to keep it in electricity ran out. So on Tuesday 31st March we celebrate the death of the QCDOC, although technically the QCDOC is still alive, as some  people are unwilling to switch off the life support machine. We are still waiting to see whether the QCDOC will be survived by any  dependents (new computers).

Watchmen

I finally got my act together and I went to see the Watchman film last Wednesday. It was a great film, but I still prefer the many layers of the book. Some critics claimed that the film makers were too worried what the fan base of the book might think, so they tried to hard to stay faithful to the book. The ending of the film was a bit different to that book, but a film audience might be confused by how the teleportation of a giant alien on top New York City would help stop war. In the book Dr. Manhattan was trying to find a SUSY particle called a gluino. In fact he was trying so hard, that he let his girl friend slip away and hang out with more normal, less blue people. The gluino is totally missing from the film.Another big blow to SUSY. In the clip below, the Prof. talks about the physics of the Watchmen film. He was the consultant on the films, so he was probably the person responsible for removing an SUSY references. Good work dude!.

In praise of the Flat Duo Jets

When I lived in Salt Lake City I used to go to a little music club. One time I thought all the bands had finished playing, and I was jut going to th bar for one final drink, I saw that a new band were going to play. The band was "the flat duo jets". There really were just two of them. This was around 1997, so before the White Stripes ripped through the world. I remember a very inten\ se set. Bob played the latest single from Dexter Romweber, who was half the band, on the Marc Riley show. The good musical memories came back.

The Road to Reality

I have done it! I have finally finished reading "The Road to reality" by Roger Penrose. I probably started reading the book about 5 years ago, but I thought I should finish it before I move in August. I now know that Roger really really likes complex numbers. It was interesting to read the work of someone who thinks geometrically. Ok, so now I know Physics. Don't bother to ask me any questions about fibre bundles or twistors. I didn't do a very deep read.

Some thoughts on the hippie question

I must have told you that I hate hippies. Perhaps I am being unfair, or I just being bitter because Southpark is no longer shown on standard British TV. One issue I had with the Michael Gerber book was that he quoted Carlos Castaneda a number of times. Castaneda is always good for providing new age hippy quotes. For example I just pulled the following from a web site

Look at every path closely and deliberately, then ask ourselves this crucial question: Does this path have a heart? If it does, then the path is good. If it doesn't, it is of no use. Carlos Castaneda

I bet you are feeling a better person because you have seen the above quote. Maybe ten years ago I read his first book: "The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge," The main part of the book was him going into the desert and taking peyote. He would dream and try to find his spirtual guide. The people who didn't take the peyote would tell him the next day, that he had stripped off naked and ran around like a mad foaming dog. The dreams seemed crap as well, and he didn't get a good party experience either. This guy was a hippy theorist.

The E-myth revisted

I was trying to remember why I bought "The E-Myth" revisted by Michael Gerber. I did wonder whether it was a recommendation from Joel on Software, but after searching that site, I think that Amazon tempted me. The book is about small business and why many of them fail. He is really dealing with a business with a very few people, even just one person. I was interested in his breakdwon of roles into Entrepreneur manager and Techician. He makes the point that most people who work for themselves are actually just technicians (people who do things), so because there is no one to do the other roles, the business fails. He then introduces a franchise management process that can be used by the business. So far so good, but it was also written in a self help book style that I found grating. His main example was a woman in a pie shop. Apparently there is something spirtual about selling pies. No I am hungry.

Declare

I am trying to clean up some of the books lying on the floor so I can hoover in the next couple of weeks. Another holiday read was "Declare" by Tim Powers. This book was a mix of spy and supernatural thrillers. One of the characters in the book was Kim Philiby. I found the first half of the book, that dealt with the spying part a bit slow, but everything picked up in the second half. I think I would make a good black magician. Tim Powers was a friend of Philip K. Dick and he is a character in the novel VALIS. Many people though that Dick had gone insane after he published VALIS.

COSM

I bet that many people don't know that that there is a sub-genre of science fiction that deals with particle physics experiments going wrong. On my travels I read COSM by Gregory Benford. This novel was about the RHIC accelerator accidently creating a small wormhole to another Universe. There is a lot of physicis politics going on. The experimentalst who finds the wormhole takes it away from Brookhaven lab and studies it at her University. When the lab management finds out about it, they are pretty annoyed and try to get it back. Gregory Benford is a professional astrophysicist so the University politics is fairly accurate and believable. I don't think he meant the novel as part of the war between Astronomers and particle physicists, but just in case I may start my own novel with a astronomer starting the Aids Epidemic by looking at a dangerous star. The disease is then cured by closing down all the astronomers and using the money saved to build the linear collider that discovers a new source of limitless energy.

Party on

I want to party! The trouble is I am not sure I can cope with the aching head, and er blackouts. Its getting close to my birthday, and I feel the need for a good night out. I was ill with flu on my birthday last year. I did drag my sorry body into the West End of Glasgow to get a bottle of Sake. I then got sent to another shop close to the Kelvin bridge, but I felt the effort was worth it for traditional birthday bottle of Sake. The people at the store were surprised, because they very rarely sell Sake, but that day they had sold three bottles. Perhaps I have two Doppelgangers, or just one who really likes Sake. I had a Chinese in a restaurant on the Great Western Road. I tried to order something different, by asking for "chicken in a pot." The curry came in a source pan. There is a war going on inside me. One part of me thinks I could spend a profitable evening reading "the power of ideas" by Isaiah Berlin that I borrowed with the a Sandman graphics novel from the library, when I was trying to impress the chick at the library desk. Who will win? The "scholar" or the wild drunkard?

Zorro

I like to read when I am on holiday. I usually make some attempt to make the book relevant to the holiday. For example I read "Zorro" by Isabel Allende when I stayed in Marbella. I would like to point out that Isabel Allende is a famous literary figure and journalist, so I wasn't just reading airport book trash and boys own fighting book. I had a really good relaxing two days in Marbella. It is a good place to read and just hang out. Wikipedia claims that "well heeled" people holidaty there, but the credit crunch and total collapse of the once might pound,now means that plebs like me are allowed with in the town walls.

1984 again, or perhaps not

Have I read 1984? I have read a number of George Orwell novels, so I can't believe that I haven't read 1984. I have read War and Peace. Oh dear either I am faker, or my mind is going? Thanks Charlie.

How to Win every argument

I have just finished reading "How to Win every argument". by Madsen Pirie. I am not sure why I bothered to read the book. I always just use the phrase: "I am right. You are wrong, so get over it" from Bill Hicks.

From a sandcastle to the Universe

I have a few more memories of Tangier to share with you. I writing this in Marballa, a pleasant town on the Costa Del Sol in Spain. There is a sandy beach here. Last night it was cold and the wind was howling. I saw that someone had created an artistic sand castle close to the beach front. It had clearly been made by an adult, because of its clever high towers. As night came down, the sandcastle was hidden under a taupalin. What I thought? When I was a child I used to build castles with friends. As the tide came in, we would try to stop the water destroy the castles, by pouring sand on the walls. We would always fail, and our constructions would always be destroyed. The next day we would start afresh. At the time I thought that this was fun. However, as cynicism seeps into my old bones, I now think that we were modelling existence. Whatever you do, it will be crushed and cleansed by the waves of time. The only option is to start again. What a wonderfull metaphor for life in the ever expanding Universe. I did wonder whether I should sneak to the beach after the pub and piss on the hidden sandcastle, just to help its creator see the agents of chaos always win.

Afternoon in Tangier

After the excitement of the morning´s tourist activity, I spent some of the afternoon reading the novel: the final programme by Michael Moorcock. More of this later, if fate will it and I can be bother to download my memories. I now want to talk about time in Tangier. I did assume that the time in Morroco would be the same as in Spain. Things turned out to be more complicated, because Morroco and and Spain treat summer time in different ways. As far as I could tell in the winter the time in Morroco was the same as in England during the winter. Nearly every clock in Tangier showed a different time. The only place where the time was correct, as far as I could tell, was in the Cafe Paris and in the dirty cafe at the bottom of the ferry port. Electronic clocks outside banks in the city were different, even the clock in the departure lounge of the ferry port was wrong. People didn´t seem to care, but by God did I worry about the lack of a consistent time, and whether I was on it.

Wasting but not wasted in Tangier

And so I was finally in Tangier. The truth be told I am not sure I really wanted an adventure like holiday. I think I would have been happy to sit on a beach somewhere, and occasionally lift a finger to get a another bacon roll or glass of beer. This type of holiday requires planning, that I never seem to have time for. Also my guidebook kept warning of street hustlers, that make any walking about in a city a pain, because they keep stopping and telling you the same tale about how they used to work in London, and they want to recommend a place to eat. The book, the rough guide to Morroco, mentioned fates even worse, such as getting mugged. I wasn´t in a positive mood for this holiday, even though I had originally decided to decided to visit Tangier early last year. Actually, according to my guide book, there are beach bars in Tangier, but frankly I could only forsee ba things happening involving confusion, vomit and a beating, from spending an afternoon at a beach bar. On the first night that I arrived I had a quick wonder around, and not just to hunt up some beer. There were lots of restaurants and cafes close to the hotel. Only one person tried to talk to me, although the streets were full of people. So that was a good sign. Anyway dealing with the emotional blackmail of street hustlers has helped me become a colder and less emotional person, so perhaps they are helping me. I had one full day in Tangier. I started by finding the Paris square in the city, because this was close to the hotel. I found the place, but it wasn´t much of a square, but did have a clean view of the sea and the docs. There were a couple of cannons pointing to the sea. I had some mint tea (like a mohita but with no alchol) in the famous Cafe Paris. This cafe was a place where political deals used to be cut in the early part of the twentith century. I sat on the leather seats and plotted, and I decided that Spain is no longer in the EU. Although Morroco has the reputation of a place where dope is freely available. I didn´t smell anything on the streets. I have certainly smelt more weed on a Liverpool bus, or in this cyber cafe in Spain where I hammer this tale out.

Ferry to Tangier

In my quest for a cheap holiday I travelled to Spain out of season. One problem with this was that it was raining as I waited to get the ferry. The rain was nice Spanish rain, rather nasty soul destroying Glasgow rain. I hadn´t planned anything, but I managed to get a ticket. Things went down hill, after waiting around to get a boarding pass with no information, the ferry I had picked was cancelled because of bad weather. I looked at the sea and saw some ripples and felt the light rain. This is like "leaves on the track" Spanish style. When I was sitting on my bigger ferry and it was swaying from side to side, that perhaps if I was more of a seaman I would know that the sea is always calmer in the habour. The journey took 4 hours whcih was twice as long as I expected. So I didn´t look like Jason Bourne in the last Bourne film, when he escaped to Tangier on the ferry. He stood on deck, while I didn´t move from my seat the entire journey in case I fell over. They wouldn´t let me leave the ship when we go to the port, because I didn´t a stamp, I should have got one on the ferry. I had to rush back on board and hunt for the pursor, up and down steap slippery stairs, as big lorrys spewed filthy black fumes over the decks. As I got out of the ferry building I got caught by a hustler. I stupidly didn´t have any local money with me and I didn´t see ATM machines. So even though I knew the correct TAXI fare to the hotel, as well as the rip off fare, I still ended up paying more that the rip off fare and ended up in a big argument at the door of my hotel. To protest, I decided not to eat that evening. I sure showed that hustler something!

The journey to Tangier

I guess my real journey to Tangier started when I read various novels by the "beat generation", although perhaps my main interests in this trip were less literary. I first flew to Malaga. I think I will know when I have grown up, when I go to bed at 22:00 before having to go to the airport by 6:00 the next day, rather than staying up late watching bad karate films and drinking beer. Still how else can a holiday start? From Malaga I got the bus to Algeciras. I should have planned this better, because the journey took about 4 hours. The bus journey was very scenic, because the bus goes by the coast and there are many mountains to look at, if a passenger tires of reading his book. I stayed the night in Algeciras. There is a big ferry port at Algeciras and it is one of the main ways to get into Morocco. My hotel overlooked the ferry terminal, not very classy perhaps, but cheapish. I was talking to an elderly English couple in the lift, they said the people at reception told them it was not a good place for an older people to wander around at night. I did want to reassure them that it wasn't so bad, I only got stopped once by one prostitute when I was looking for the hotel, and prostitutes are easy to brush off. If you live in the UK, you worry, when you see lots of people hanging out on the streets. This is normal in Europe and doesn't mean you are going to get beaten to death by hordes of cider swilling neds.

Jim Bean cola

When I lived in Salt lake City, a guy across the hall from me occasionally used to invite me into his apartment for drinks. His drink of preference was whisky and coke. I don't drink much whisky, but I prefer it neat. I certainly don't like these fancy cocktails of ice and whisky. However, drinking coke and whisky, while listening to someone talk about their problems getting the correct pension from the US army was fine. When I was in Tesco today I found they were selling 12 Oz cans of Jim Bean cola. This brought some memories back from Salt Lake City. Anyway to cut a long story short, Jim Bean cola tastes a bit nasty. I am going to have invite a "guest" over to generously offer them a taste of the US.

beat tour randomness

And so I finally get to visit the interzone. My body is collapsed with exhaustion and disolution, so some time in the Sun is required. I am flying to Malaga tomorrow. Then on Wednesday I am going to take the ferry over to Tangier for a couple of days. Burroughs's will Perhaps William appearance. spirit an make

The Killing Joke

I have finally given up any pretence of checking out any books from the library, but graphic novels. I spent part of this weekend reading "Batman: The Killing Joke". This is a famous graphic novel written by Alan Moore. Some parts of the book were very disturbing. The poor librarian who got stabbed. And what did batman do to the joker at the end. I could see the influence of the book on the recent batman films.

boring post with pink floyd

I was talking to my mum on Sunday. I was having problems telling what I had done in the last 2 weeks. Work, eat, drink, and sh*t, doesn't really make a great conversation. I think I am becoming a boring person (or an even more boring person). Does a boring person obsess about listening to Syd Barret play "vegetable man"?

Scottish tea scandal

I like living in Scotland, don't get me wrong, but sometimes national pride can take a weird path. While I have been living here, I have always bought Scottish Tea. I am not sure what I was thinking. I have never been to the highlands, so perhaps there are mighty tea groves up there, however ... I just happened to actually read the packet for Scottish tea. It is designed to be drunk with Scottish water, but the tea comes from Kenya. What? I can't remember buying English tea, when I was living in England or the US. I usually just get the supermarket generic brand. Given the amount of tea I drink in a day this makes fiscal sense. I am not sure why I am complaing, I actually buy Scottish tea, because I like the blue colour of the box.

comic

When I was a student at University a long time ago, I worked at the National Nuclear Corporation over the summer. One day I heard am overweight older guy tell a woman about the new Batman comic. "It was vary dark," he said. She didn't sound impressed or interested, and I thought this guy is not going to get a date out of this conversation. I was walking to work on Friday, thinking about the Watchman graphic novel. The power of he story still had me in its grip. I am looking forward to the new film. How did my life end up with me spending 50% of my reading time reading graphical novels? There is good graphics novels section in Hillhead library. I have slowly being sampling the books. This weekend I finished a volume of the Sandman series. The book was a reworking various myths. I also read about the "invisibles". Thus book was all about time travel, drugs, sex and violence. So my kind of topics. A couple of weeks ago I read "the quitter" by Harvey Pekar. Pekar is famous for the "American Splendor" comic and film. The quitter was about his early years and explains how he ended up as a clerk.

Onion scandal rant

As I get older I am starting to ramble a bit about quality of the food I eat. I am not a hard core food snob, but I am just not happy eating sliced white reprocessed bread. This food advice is coming from someone who just ate a steak and kidney pudding from a tin with 2005 printed on it. One food weakness I have is that I really love pickled onions. I assume that pickle onions can't cause me any harm, as chocolate and beer clearly do. here I assume that the bad breath and the need to fart are not bad things like getting cancer. It just amazes me at the supermarket to see jars of pickled onions at such different prices. Some jars cost three times as others. Are pickled onions going the way of caviar. I sometime get the cheap onions (credit crunch and all that), but then they don't have the right "kick". Even worse some jars don't taste good at all. The onions just look back at me and taunt me with their cheapness. For example I really like the onions in the jar on the left. But it is going to be a bit of an ordeal to eat those in the jar on the right. hopefully someone will read this post and send me a lifetime supply of pickled onions. I am such a blogging whore.

Washington toilet scandal

I lived in London for years. The streets are not paved with gold. I was lied too. I was in Washington DC last weekend for a small amount of R&R. I walked around the main mall area. There were a lot of seats set up for the inauguration on the 20th. However, unlike in the picture, all the outdoor toilets were locked with plastic twine. I though if that I broke the string the FBI would arest me and send me to Guantanamo bay. You may not think that doctering a photograph to show free toilets is not a big deal, but the picture was taken in the cradle of democracy.

Another pagan vicar

Although I have spent many years purging Christianity from my system, I still like to listen to "Sunday worship" on radio4, before I get up. Perhaps this is just a case of "plan B". That if my dissolute life gets too out of control, and I awake in a room full of empty bottles and bloodstained condoms, that I will see the light from some part of the sermon on Sunday workshop broadcast on the radio. I will get up and hunt for a church full of priests, rather than a church converted into a pub. If I find a friendly vicar, I will move my shaking body next to him, and whisper "save me! And I am ready for a woman in a bonnet, with a basket full of flowers. Which one is mine?" So you can imagine my disappointment when on the radio this morning, during the service from Glasgow cathedral, the priest started talking about how there was no sun when they walked into the Cathedral, but that the sun would be up when they left. Apart from the vicar's total lack of insight into Glasgow weather, it seemed very pagan to me. Normally, I am happy to hear the sound of the ancient pagan Gods, but what if I needed to be saved this weekend? I feel the need to write a strong letter to the Glasgow Herald newspaper.

New years and Constantine

I didn't go out of my flat for new years eve or new years day. I didn't speak to anyone. I am not complaining, I was trying to relax. I can't always be bothered to speak. I did enjoy the health unreality of it. I did read a collection of Constantine hellblazer comics called "the family man". When Constantine is running away from the family man serial killer, he gets a coach from Victoria station in London to Liverpool. I used to do the same thing when I lived in Liverpool. I guess that is why the comic, seems so real for me, apart from the lack of demons and serial killers in my life, and that I am not a powerful magician. I need more Constantine comics. I am not sure if I can be bothered to walk to the library.

Christmas Lectures

I have to admit I have enjoyed watching the Royal Institution Christmas Lectures this year. Although the lectures are aimed at a young audience, I did admire the way Christopher Bishop explained things. This may be because the lectures were about computing of course. What amazes me the most was how enthusiastic the audience were to be involved. This may be because if they got to go to the front, they would be seen on TV. They even had Bill gates come in via a video link to answer questions. Bill gave the children some ideas of how the future of computing will develop, so they will know what will not happen.

Why Keanu Reeves must die

Rather depressingly I feel that the highlight of 2008 for me is getting into graphic novels and comics. There is a big section for graphic novels in Hillhead library, so at least I am not losing any money by reading these books. Although I need to get a guide to graphic novels, as well as a seminal batman graphics novel, so Amazon will get some more of my money. One of the graphics novels I realy like is about a magician called Constantine. Constantine was born in Liverpool, so a lot of the stories are based around the UK. So when they made the Constantine film they set it in the US and got Keanu Reeves to do his robot acting thing. I sort of liked the Constantine film when it came out, but after reading the comic, I feel reverse betrayed.

books on bankers and their evil schemes

About the good thing about the financial crisis, is that I no longer need to worry that I don't understand what "fiscal derivatives" are for, now that these dumb f*ck bankers have destroyed the economy. However I have done a small amount of reading about the current credit crunch. About a month ago I read "The great crash 1929" by Galbraith. I have to admit I didn't really get to much from the book, as to why the crash in the 20s happened. It did make me laugh that at the time people kept saying "the fundamentals of the economy were firm", as the economy imploded. My cousin gave me "does anything eat bankers" by Andy Zaltman. This is book of amusing explanations of the current mess. So I am now educated, but still poor. I still have to read the book called "the tulip" by Anna Pavord. This book was about the speculation on tulips in the C18th.

woken furies

I feel that I am really not reading much these days. However, I have managed to finish "woken furies" by Richard Morgan. The book is an action/science fiction book. I didn't fancy the book when I saw it in the library, but I really enjoyed reading the first book, so I have ended up reading the whole series. I was going to say that this book is a real page turner with no ideas. It is certainly true that the book is easy to read, but there are some interesting points abouts revolutionary movements.

new years resolution

So we are coming up to another new year again. It is time to start to make some new years resolutions. Obviously I mean new new years resolutions, rather than old new years resolutions, such as cutting down on the drinking. My new new year's resolution is to walk faster. I am frankly getting tired of being overtaken by people waking faster than me. It is particularly humilating when I am overtaken by some old person with white hair. The only time I walk faster than anyone, is when a couple is slowmy making the way down the road filled with love and enjoyment of the world. I of course snear at them, muttering "credit crunch", as I march past them.

hip flask

I am obviously well known for my temperance work in the bars and clubs of Glasgow. I have often felt that I would quite like a hip flask to store some fruit juice, so I could pass around in my crusade, or to moisten my lips at the end of a hard days work, when I am staying in some hotel. In a store in Burnley I saw a hip flask for 5 pounds. I looked at it and it looked at me and I decided I was not ready to carry a hip flask and lose afternoon to the haze. Also, it would be a nightmare to take a hip flask on an airplane. I am sure that the security people would be thrilled to see a metal flask with liquid in it.

F**k it

My brother gave me the book "F**k it" by John Parkin for Christmas. This is a self help book, based on the idea of "letting go", using the swear word as a metaphor. I read it on the train back from Burnley to Glasgow. On the section on relationships, there was a section on testing partner problems. One of the toxic questions was "will you wtill love me when I am old or cripled?" This made me think that we really need is a computer modelling program, that would allow a more definite test. Rather than your partner asking annoying questions, it would be much better to put both people in a virtual environment and really test the relationship to breaking point. Want to know whether your partner will still love you if you get sent to prison, or lose your left leg, then all you need to do is to sit in my virtual simulator, and in an about you will know the truth. Why waste a decade of your life? One possible disadvantage would be that marriage would really fall off. Of course I would be very rich, so it would not all be bad news. Since I usually say totally the wrong thing, I would build in a hidden AI into the simulator, so the AI would say the right things, while I cleaned the sheets on my bed and made sure that I had enough condoms. Now that I am feeling a bit more refreshed, I can finally start writing my own self help book called "Can't be arsed!"

No snow storm

Well, I was actually looking forward to being snowed in. I could take some time to detox, perhaps read a few books. I kept peeking out my window through out the night, but there was no snow. In the morning, it was just cold rain. I was happy that all the nasty ice had been washed away. I am not very stable on my feet at the best of times, so I feel trapped by ice.

Snow storm

The storm is coming! The last 2 months of stress filled work has stopped me blogging. Perhaps, more importantly, I didn't hassle my landlord enough to fix my boiler. I moved into a new place a couple of months ago. The boiler never worked. There was one attempt to fix the pilot light. I should have hassled them more, but I assumed things were happening when they were not. Now the snow is coming and there is no heating in flat (apart from a small electric fire keeping my butt warm). It all seems like the penultimate scene from the film "The Day After Tomorrow", where the young kids huddle in a library as some new super cold weather comes in and tries to freeze them. I got a couple of extra cans of beans at the store, just in case I get frozen in. If the ice storm lasts longer, I will just go around to another flat in the building and eat a resident.

The Magician

I have now arranged that all my unread books sit on two bookshelves. I now own so many unread books that there is no reason for me to buy more, and yet .... One dusty old paperback book is "Cakes and Ale" by W.Somerset Maugham . This looked like a worth book that I should read. However I was tempted at the Hillhead library to read "The Magician" by Maugham instead. This book was one of his earlier ones, but was loosly based on Aleister Crowley, although Crowley was never possessed any real magical powers (sorry guys). As many of the reviewers note the book starts very slowly, but gradually it speeds up, with black magic, possession and human sacrifice. What I need to read now is "Of Human Bondage", that is described by amazon as "Of Human Bondage" is the first and most autobiographical of Maugham's masterpieces. It is the story of Philip Carey, an orphan eager for life, love and adventure. After a few months studying in Heidelberg, and a brief spell in Paris as would-be artist, Philip settles in London to train as a doctor. And that is where he meets Mildred, the loud but irresistible waitress with whom he plunges into a formative, tortured and masochistic affair which very nearly ruins him.

numb3rs

Umm, somehow all the deadlines I have had recently have joined together into a couple of months of stress. I have hardly managed to write anything at all. Although I have been able to regularly watch "numb3rs" on TV. I would like to point out that I view watching numb3rs is actually work, because it is about mathematics and Universities.

I am back....

I seem to have developed a terrible case of bloggers block. I had a number of deadlines, one after another. All my energy has been sapped. Anyway I am back....

Broken Angels

I have just finished reading "Broken Angels" by Richard Morgan. This was a science fiction novel centered around Takeshi Kovacs: the main character in Altered Carbon. I really enjoyed the book. If you are interested in the plot, there is stuff you can look at. Yeah it was brutal. I was beginning to get an annoyed about the number of times he told everyone that he was an "envoy". Envoys were some kind of super soldier, because they had been mentally trained. After while, he did begin to sound like an Oxbridge graduate, as he he let slip that he was an ex-Envoy to another bunch of new people. At least with Oxbridge graduates they all wear ties and scarves, so you can think about strangling them while they describe their ancient teduim of college life. Not because I am jealous, but as city dweller I pity those simple town folk. For reasons still not clear to me Hillhead library tempted me to check out a book by Primo Levi. That is perhaps more worthy, but less fun. There used to be an attampt to get people to put down "Jedi Knight" as religon on the census form. Now, thanks to the crap recent films, this is no longer cool. Anyway I am now a quellist!

Jandek

I was listening to the freakzone on radio6 last week. Stuart played a song by Jandek, and talked a bit about his history. Jandek had put out a huge number of albums since the late 70s. He never gave interviews and you you could only get his work from a PO box in Austin Texas. No one really knew who he was. I obviously find this kind of mystique way cool. but I also really like his crazed playing. You can only get second hand Jandek CDs on Amazon. I just ordered a recording of a set he did in Glasgow, but the review on wikipedia, claimed that this CD was not his normal style. Boo hoo, this is going to get complicated. I want Jandek crazy playing CDs and I want them now!

The Mill

I have just been out to see a band play at "The Mill". This is what the Oran Mor (on great Western Road) venue is called on Wednesday. You have to text them to get free tickets. The event is sponsered by Miller beer of course, but I was perhaps naively hoping that there might be some other kind beer available. When I hit the bar all the pumps were covered up with Miller signs and the fridge was full of miller beer glaring at me. The future perahos. Anyway the tickets were free, so what did I expect. Tonight Tokyoblu played. I enjoyed them, but I wasn't really in the mood. They opened the season at the Mill with Thomas Tanturm playing. I really wanted to see them play, but the tickets were not made generally available. Oh well perhaps I will get another chance.

twitter

In the past I know I have infuriated people because I don't like to tell people where I am. Particularly when I am on holiday. So it surprises me by how much I am enjoying using twitter. Twitter allows me to make small posts of 140 characters. This sounds pretty dull, until you find yourself writing a post on what you have for breakfast (pop tarts). The full tedium of life will be available for all to see and wallow in. I have signed up my mobile phone so that I can post from anywhere. This is a stalkers dream. Of course some people are posting their progress as they leave New Orleans before the storm hits, while I tell people when I am going shopping in Tesco. My cunning plan is to provide "information overload". I say I am doing X, while in fact I am enjoying a little bit of Y.

Turing

There is a famous Artificial Intelligence (AI) test by Alan Turing that involves a computer trying to convince you that it is human via a teletype. Given that AI has a reputation for non achievement and bullshit, the Turing test seemed very impractical. Of course who could have predicted that people's need to sell penis enlargement pills could have driven such dramatic progress in computer science over that made by dullards working in Universities. Amazon tempted me to buy "The annotated Turing -- a guide through Alan Turing's historic paper on computability and the Turing machine". I am not an AI loser, this book is about computing.

Istanbul beaches

This article in the Guardian has humiliated me. There were beaches in Istanbul? Although I live a child free life, even I know that children are bored doing tourist things.

I finally get library music

Although I regularly listen to the freakzone on radio6, I never really got the section on library music. Luckily the guardian has an explanation. I tried to get buy some of the books from Amazon, but I note how expensive the radiophonic CDs are. Bah collectors.

What does China think

While on my travels I read "What does China think" by Mark Leonard. The book was a set of interviews with Chinese intellectuals about the future of China. Perhaps rather depressingly, many of them seemed to have a vision of what they wanted for the future China.

Sin City

God damm Hillhead library. I didn't go to the pub after work tonight. I thought I could read a few more chapters from "Mind Performance Hacks", but instead I read the graphics novel "Sin City 6" by Frank Miller. Guilty pleasures indeed. I was so sad when Marv was killed in the Sin City film. When I was looking for graphic novel in the library, I thuink to read some guide on graphic novels, in case I ended up reading some crap.

drinking stuff

A couple of weeks agao I walked into a pub close to Queen street railway station in Glasgow. There were two guys at the bar, probably both of them in their late thirties. One of the guys with an Irish accent started talking to me. To celebrate this I ordered Guinness. He and his friend were interesting to talk to. I am not good at holding up a conversation unless the content has a lot of DVD and book references. This type of thing is a "cheers" moment where you go to the local pub to meet people. On my own I normally just drink my beer, practise non-existence and try to avoid eye contact. One of the guys wanted to buy my drink. I wasn't so keen, partly because I was just having a beer after watching a film. He was going "what could happen?". I was not worried that I would drink too much and wake up the next day to hear some Irish snoring and an ache in my backside. More it was that I know that when alchol is involed, it doesn't take long until the good cheer leaves, and things get weird. As it turned the guy had been unfaithful to his wife who kept ringing. His friend took him off back home. Didn't I tell that you things always end weird. To end on a more positive note, I found a place to buy Guinness for two pounds in the center of Glasgow.

Jeffrey lewis gig

I went out to see Jeffrey Lewis play last night at the Captain's nest venue in Glasgow. In my biased opinion Jeff is probably the best song writer in the US at the moment. He is famous for "last time I did acid I went insane". He is a mellow folk singer who also writes and draws comics. During his set he shows one of his comics. Last night he showed a comic for history of communism in Korea. The last album he and his band did was a bunch of covers of crass songs. Crass was a famous UK anarchist punk band, but his folky renditions sound both powerful and mellow. He only played 2 songs from the crass album. Over 50% of the set was new material. I liked the venue, but it was totally full. I turned up with no tickets, but the barman sold me a ticket. It was really hot as well, but everyone was into the music and there was no drunk people to shout and scream during the quiet bits. After the gig I had to re-hydrate myself with a beer in the upstairs bar before I headed home. Some guy talked to me. He had been to see Jeffrey Lewis, and also he had been to see another here of mine Daniel Johnston. The guy finished his beer and announced he was getting the bus to Edinburgh to go to a party full of lesbians. He also told me that he had spent three hours the day before trying to chat up a lesbian and it was difficult to tell if a woman was a lesbian. After he imparted this knowledge he left. I finished my beer and started to pub my way home, humming "punk is dead."

watchmen

I had planned to do some work today, but I actually spent the day reading "watchmen" by by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons. This one of the most famous graphics novels. It always gets mentioned, whenever there is a film adaptation of other graphic novels. A film of the book was meant to be released next year, but it looks as though there are some legal problems. At a superficial level the book is about "super heros". You can read the wikepedia article to get some idea of the complexity of the plot. I liked the many levels in the book. I was amused to see that one of the characters was looking for evidence for gluino. The science super hero (and the only one with any powers), called Doctor Manhattan comes across as emotionally cold and more interested in quarks than people (very good). After reading this novel I am now convinced that graphic novels are a new art form. I am not ashamed to tell people this.

hellboy

I guess that, dear reader, you know me well enough, that you feel my longing to see the new hellboy movie. However, I am not someone who can take simple pleasures, with out a heady dose of guilt and self imposed suffering. I have an addictive personality so I am careful what new vices I pick up. I have not tried, whoring, smoking crack, or look at porn on the Internet, because I know that if start I will not be able to stop. I do allow myself, smaller more manageable vices. There is graphic novel section in Hillhead public library. I have tried to avoid comics and graphic novels, because I don't want to end up as one of these old bald guys explaining to some disinterested chick that "graphic novels are a new art form". However, since I can check books out from the library for free, I decided I would see if I had the attention span to read a comic book. So I slid up to the graphics novel part of the library. Another single guy was looking at the books. I hovered some more and the guy moved off. Later on I saw him at the checkout desk. He had the graphic novel for Ironman. I stopped myself from saying "mine" and grabbing the Ironman comic, but I limited myself to thinking bast*ard. I checked a comic/graphic novel from the hellboy series drawn and written by Mike Mignola. The book was called "strange journeys". Later that Thursday evening I found that I did indeed have the attention span to read comic books again. I devoured the book, rather than doing any chores on Thursday. On Friday morning I had to get another comic book from the library. I am already a sad comic junkie.

Founders at Work

I have just finished reading "Founders at Work" by Jessica Livingston. This is a large collection of interview of people who founded computer companies. Some of the products/companies that were founded by the interviewers were: firefox, paypal, hotmail, blogger, adobe, and many more. There is definitely a different culture around Stanford. People as undergraduates were thinking of forming companies. It all seemed very exciting. People formed a company with no real idea what they wanted to produce. Amazing and exciting stuff.

The Dark Knight

I went to see the latest batman film, the dark knight, last Monday. The joker, what a cool guy. Obviously this film was full of ideas about morality. My mind was full when I left the cinema, mostly with thoughts about how I wanted to see the film again, but in 3D, to get an even better philosophical perspective.

The Atrocity Archives

I have spent the day reading "The Atrocity Archives" by Charles Stross. A nice bit of R and R as I waited for my hangover to abate. One of the system administrators of a secret goverment agancy that deals with the occult is allowed to go on active field missions. The book had lots of nice computing terms for the geek reader (not me of course). In the after wood Charles claim that the hacker is the trickster god in the realm of computing.

die smilers die

Complete strangers are coming up to me and complaining that I don't smile enough. Are there an rules for the amount of time a person should smile? Wikipedia is of no real help, apart from same vague comments about happiness. If there are rules for the amount of time I should be smiling, I will keep my face in the throes of a fixed grin for the standard normal time. I just want to fit in. My friend Mark says

The wave pictures

I went out to see the "wave pictures" play at the Glasgow barfly last night. I really like the the sound that the wave pictures make. They sound like Jonathan Richman and the modern lovers (famous for the song roadrunner). Their songs can be dense and confusing -- but I like that. One song was about the day Johnny Cash died. The song ends with his girlfriend saying "its not as if it was Elvis". I would have ended the song with "it is over bitch". There were not too many people in the barfly last night. On my way home I stopped off at the Oran Mor for more beer. This place is close enough to my flat, that I walk home with out having to find an outside toilet. I had two sets of women come and talk to me. I had not drunk too much beer, so I could still talk, but I think they found me boring and moved onto more interesting prospects. Anyway I didn't start ranting on about pyramids or why there are two canisters of shaving foam in bathroom trying to brainwash me. I got home about 3:00. I should go out more.

The end of oil

Rajan Gupta gave an interesting talk at the lattice 2008 conference on the oil issue. After that I decided I should know more about energy. Amazon kindly sold me the book "the end of oil" by Paul Roberts. The book explained many of the issues about the oil supply. Roberts doesn't come over as a member of the left, this made the book refreshing and depressing. I know have a better idea about the issues in drilling for oil in Alaska Although he just casually mentions "of course the Iraq war was about oil". In some sense I would have been happy if Blair had admitted that the Iraq war was about the oil. It was clear that Bush's people thought this, but Blair essentially has no idea what he was doing. The Iraq was only a small part of the book. My bet is that in the future people will view their ancestors who used SUVs to travel around cities in the same way as slave owners. It will be hidden shame of the family history. It is good thing that everyone is now taking digital photographs, because it will be easy to paste out a SUV with a nice bicycle. I didn't realize that oil production could be starting to peak. Things are getting so bad that Arthur Scargill is back. (No state funeral for Thatcher because she closed down most of the coal mines). The book discusses clean technology for coal.

Death Masks and Summer Knights

Before I was 20 I used to read series of books. This might have been partly because I didn't know what new authors to dip into, so it was hard to find new authors to read. Yes this was the way we lived before the internet. (Perhaps I should have read a literary magazine of some kind). As I get older I seem to be reverting back to the reading habits of my youth. On some of the trips I took recently I read two more books in the Dresden files series: Death Masks and Summer Knights. There were faries, vampires, swords, and wizards set in Chicago. Not deep stuff, but kept me happy on trains and planes.

The white Castle

As part of my Istanbul trip I thought I should try reading a book by a modern Turkish author. The guide book recommended "The White castle" by Orham Pamuk. This was a fantastic book. A young scholar from Venice is captured and sold as a slave to person who looks like him in Istanbul. Knowledge and insanity is passed between the master and slave until neither seem sure who is who.

Bobby Fischer goes to war

I was in the chess club at school for while. I was never very good at chess. I certainly didn't think about it too much. I can't say that even now that I would want to invest any effort in the game. I am too old to do anything as nerdy as playing chess, I would rather invest my declining energy in doing something more practical such as learning LISP. So having ranted all the above out, I am not sure why I read "Bobby Fischer Goes to War" by Edmonds and Eidinow. This was the story of how the American Bobby Fischer won the world chess championship in the 70s. It was interesting to read about the Soviet chess system. The Fischer guy was just a total nut case. He was rude in an amazing way that people only knew how to give into. What also interested me was that the chess players took their fitness very seriously. Fischer goes bowling with some "friends". Some stranger tries to help him bowl better, because he wasn't knocking down many pins. Fischer just says, I am not really interested in bowling. I am just throwing the ball to improve the strength in my arm to help my chess playing. Wow, showing how to be a sh*t and total dedication at the same time.

Altered Carbon

While I was in Istanbul I felt I should be doing tourist things all the time, such as going rounds things. Some what guiltily I did spend some reading "Altered Carbon" by Richard Morgan. This was a science fiction book, where the hero is downloaded into a new body on an Earth in the future. There are shooting, more bodies, and an a hotel owned by an AI. There was a nice park (called Gillhane park) near my hotel that was good for reading in. There were lots of seats and no one bothered me. Sometimes people would come round and sell cheap cups of tea. When I looked at Richard Morgan's web page I found out that he lives in Glasgow. He had his first job in Istanbul teaching English. So in a way I wasn't just reading a science fiction book, but I was really learning about Istanbul. Guilt is a terrible thing.

history of the order of the assassins

While I was in Istanbul I saw a book called Assassins: A Radical Sect in Islam by Bernard Lewis. However, it was so expensive that I decided I would wait until I got back to the UK to buy the book. Even better I found that the book was listed in the catalogue of the University of Glasgow library . As I searched the dusty shelves of the library I didn't find the book above, but ended up with "history of the order of the assassins" by Franzius. Before reading this book, all I knew about the assassins was that there was some old man in a mountain in the Middle East, who kept some of his followers in a valley full of hashish and beautiful maidens. When he wanted someone killed he would tell one of his people that they were in heaven. To get back into heaven, they had to kill their target. After speed reading the book, I now know that the assassins were actually a sect of the Sunnite part of Islam. Apparently the assassins still exist today. At various stages the assassins used murder to accomplish political ends. The number of political alliances they made was very complicated. They didn't just fight the crusaders. I do expect to get visited by officers from Special Branch, since it is clear that some of the suicide bombers were influenced by the early assassin philosophy. Anyway I will just say nothing and they will think I would not hurt a fly. I also learnt that the word thugs actually comes from India. There was some kind of criminal gang called the Thuggees who used to strangle people to steal their goods. As he died one leader of the assassins, Sanjah (1118 -1124) whispered "nothing was true, that everything was permitted" and then departed to hell. This book changed my life.

Aya Sofya

The Aya Sofya church was close to my hotel in Istanbul. The Aya Sofya church was built around 537 AS by emperor Julian. No I got that wrong it was emperor Justinian. There is a great book by Gore Vidal called Julian. The book was about a Roman emperor who wanted to turn back the tide of Christainity, back to a more gentle and tolerant pagan relegon. I was surprised that he had founded a church. It had been a while since I read the book. I don't usually like going on holy ground (unless I am chased by vampires of course). I liked the black scaffolding in the centre of the church. It looked so cool and modern, in such an ancient building.

Istanbul and water below the ground

During my trip to Istanbul I went to the Basilica Cistern. This is an underground storage area built by the Romans. It was forgotten about, until a Frenchman found it. I am not sure I agree that he rediscovered it, because somebody took him fishing there. It was a big cavern with water and a wooden platform people can walk on. It is nice and cool, which is good after a warm day in Istanbul. If I read by guide book right it featured in "From Russia in Love". There is a part of the film, where they bug the Russian embassy via an underground river of some sort. I just liked looking at the fishes swirling in the cool gloom.

Istanbul modern

This has been my last day in Istanbul. I had not been to the grand bazaar, so I thought I would do that today. However my heart wasn't really in it. I don't want a carpet (true) or a new jacket (I don't wear the leather jacket I own). So instead I thought i would go to the Istanbul modern, a new art gallery close to the river. I started out OK, but got distracted by someone trying to sell me a carpet, so I ended up taking a different route to what I planned. I always knew that I just had to go right to hit the river. I did find a nice looking University. After somehow paying 10 euros for a street map I didn't need. I headed right towards the river. I thought this is so peaceful, away from the tourists. In fact as I walked around the back streets I suddenly thought this is a bit too peaceful. There was no one around. No nice Tourist policeman in his blue uniform. I was alone. I thought I am going to get my throat cut here. I started to hope for a welcoming sign of a carpet shop, where I would be safe, but poor. Anyway I found the river at last. I couldn't find the Istanbul modern. I saw no signs for it either. After looking at my map, I saw that I was actually on the wrong side of the river. In Istanbul one side of the river is in Asia and the other in Europe. This was the first time I got the continent wrong when I went looking for something. I walked over to the correct side of the river. Somehow in Istanbul they don't like to put the name of the bridge near it. Also Istanbul had one more bridge than my map! I wanted Galata bridge. I eventually decided i knew where I was, but I still could not find "Istanbul modern". After going from a tourist area, into what only be called "a derelict dockland area", fully of empt cafes and broken boats, I eventually saw a sign for the gallery. The building has been opened in 2005 so it was big and clean with lots of space. When I bought my ticket they put a red sticker on my chest with no explanation. The sticker fell off when I went to the toilet and i couldn't find it. This is the only way to view an art exhibition, when you are nervous that security will throw yo out for not having a red sticker. Everyone else had a red sticker. I didn't see any other stickers of a different colour. I found my self clutching at pieces of red on the floor in case it was red sticker. Anyway no one payed any notice to me. Perhaps I will bring the "red sticker idea" to Tate Modern in London. As you may imagine I didn't focus on the pictures so much. I did see some nice green and blues ones, but no really red pictures. The first floor contained pictures of twentieth century artists from Turkey. I found them all interesting without any of the anal theory stuff from the West. The basement had video installation type things, that don't do anything for me. (OK I did like the video of some eggs with some words on that kept moving. Janis Joplin sang in the background, but whether that was art, so something i could have done given three spare weeks).

money

I am spending a huge amount of money in Istanbul. Normally if I want to eat cheaply in France or Germany I will have a kebab. Here somehow a kebab is authentic local food, so I always end up spending over ten pounds for every meal., Also no chilli source! I am off for beer and french fries. It is a good thing that the beer is expensive here, otherwise there would be Britsh stag parties around and frankly that would suck.

A Passion for Killing

I spent some part of today reading a book called A Passion for Killing by Barbara Nadel. The book is a detective story set in Istanbul. I agree with the amazon reviewer to some extent in that the book was uneven in plotting. I did enjoy the setting and atmosphere. Turks hate carpet sellers as well. I will read one of the books earlier in the series. I got the book in a local bookshop for essentially twice the amount of money I could have got it in the UK. The guy at the bookstore tried to sell me a book about growing up in Istanbul (recommended in a guide book). This was about real people he said. My pseudo-intellectual cover was blown, because I really just wanted to read a detective novel. The park by the palace is good to read in. The light is good but is shady, so not too hot. I have not been bothered by anyone.

Topkapi palace

I went round the Topkapi palace in Istanbul today. This palace used to be used by the Sultans as they ruled their empire. The place is huge. I started at 9:40 and I left about 14:50. I am not someone who spends all his time listening to the audio tour guide. There were many rooms in the palace. One had a large number of swords and knifes. I saw a father talk to his some about the difference between a mace and an axe. At least i think that is what he was talking about because he spoke in French. I was touched by this. I also would like to know when to use a mace rather than an axe, perhaps I should have asked him. In the treasury there was a lot of gold. I was not too impressed with some of the pieces. There was a famous dagger that had featured in a famous film. The dagger had two or three rubies in it and it probably went missing. There was also a big diamond that impressed me. I would have liked to steal two large candlesticks made of gold, but they looked too heavy for me to pick up. There was a harem there as well. I was really excited by this. I had not released any sexual energy for some days. I had put on clean underwear. I was ready for some actions. Inside, I thought "where are the women? Where is the silk and fur? Who will fill my glass and feed me grapes?". The answer was f*cking no one. It was just another museum. Sure there was some cute American chick with a white skirt on and a black berry on, but I wanted dancing girls. In one room they had a couple of plastic models. What ever happened to living history. One Sultan satisfied 24 women in 24 hours there, but you would never guess that. At the en of the tour of the harem I had excess unfilled energy and I didn't feel like going back to my hotel room for some release. I did try to find the circumcision room in the main part of the palace. The lonely planet guide noted that the circumcision room had beautiful blue tiles. I couldn't find the room and was getting hungry. Perhaps if I had found the circumcision room, I could have finally forgiven my parents for what they ordered the surgeon to do 30 years ago. So I will keep that little flame of bitterness alive for a few more years.

river tour in Istanbul

I can't say I am a huge fan of organized tours. They do force me to do more tourist things that I would do on my own. Mostly becaue I don't get lost so much, or tempted by the evil drink. Today I booked a boat trip on a river called Bosphorus that sits between the European and Asian sections of Istanbul. There were about 40 people on the boat, essentially a coach load. It was small enough to roack up and dow, but I didn't feel too queezy. There were some nice palaces at the side of the river and one big fortrest that the Otmann built to seige to Constantinpole. I didn't realize that Jason and the Argonauts also went along one of these rivers when they went in search of the golden fleece. This made the trip more like history, rather than the Christian stuff lying around. I wish I had a sword so I could shake it at the monsters on the shore. The car driving here is a bit crazy. We took a tour bus to the river side. It was one the red buses that are used for city tours. At point a car cut into the side of the bus. There was the loud sound of scraping as the car and bus mingled. I thought this will take ages to sort out. Insurance numbers will have to be exchanged. The police will have to be called. A police car went past totally ignoring us. The driver and tour leader got out. A minute later they got back into bus and we were on our way. The tour leader said "there are lots of cars in Istanbul, but not many good drivers". Given the amount of cutting in and out, I am not surprised that they don't all obey hard core insurance rules.

food and travel

One problem with going to places where I don't speak the language is that I always worry that I will not be understood enough to buy food, so I end up starving to death. Once i have got that first meal, then I know i will live. i usually stand in front of the counter like a sad stray dog *clutchng a 20 euro note) and point. The servers take pity and a bowl of hot food comes my way. In Istanbul on the bus ride to my hotel i saw all those kebab shops. I knew was in heaven and that I would certainly not starve. After 2 straight days of kebabs, I tried some fish today. Yet another country where they don't serve chilli source with kebabs. I am off to try some more raki.

carpets

I have had a pleasent day wondering around some of the sites in Istanbul. I will post more about this later. A slight pain are the number of people trying to sell me carpets. i am minding my own business totally lost just trying to find something that is usually in front of me. Then someone will kindly help, and the start asking "where are you from?" The conversation will then end up them wanting to give me their card for a shop that sells carpets. This is not a big deal, but I have learnt many useful things. When I say I am living in Glasgow they immediatley say "Glasgow Rangers" and laugh. This tells me that not many people from Glasgow visit Istanbul, because any celtic fan would make sure they never say "Glasgow rangers" with a smile ever again. Also, when someone asked about the capital of Scotland, and I said "Edinburgh", he didn't look convinced that the city existed. I assume he didn't know of any famous football teams from Edinburgh. I decided not to tell him that Edinburgh is famous for "Trainspotting", "Rebus2, and "Dr Jykll and mr Hyde": junkies, drunks and murderers, but I doubted that would have helped, I made the mistake of saying one time "that I don't like carpets". As he said what does that mean.

Luton

I stayed in the easyjet hotel in Luton. It was cheap and very convenient for the train and airport. However, did they have to paint it so orange? I couldn't get any sleep, becaue of the glow from the walls.