Britney Spears

I am frankly tired of Britney Spears stealing my best ideas. She is probably having problems not with the booze, but controlling her telepathic abilities. My plan when my unhappiness got too much was to shave my hair off. This would show people that I was really suffering inside. Of course they would probably just assume that I had joined the National Front. Now what can I do? The only idea that comes to mind is a bit of self-flagellation but that it too common place and people wouldn't like my blood spread around the building. (When there is a cure for Aids that will be more socially acceptable). If Britney starts whipping herself in public then I will know that my mind control experiments have succeeded. Then she can stop this rehab business and come to Glasgow and hang out with me. I could take her to a local pub and use her to win Karaoke competitions. Hopefully her singing voice is up to that, otherwise she will be send straight back to LA.