Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Advice to new bloggers.

I have been keeping this BLOG for over 3 years now, so I am entitled to give some advice for new bloggers. One thing that is very IMPORTANT is that you don't write anything that might stop you getting a job. The human resources departments usually have nothing better to do than than surf the web and send people word documents. So I humbly suggest that blogging that smoking a garden of blow is your main hobby is probably not a good idea, if your goal in life is to be corporate. (This shouldn't be a problem if you want to sell fast food and stay up late watching DVDs). Also I would stay clear of talking about controversial subjects. For example I would never consider writing a blog post about necrophilia. This is not really a problem because I don't really know anything about necrophilia. Of course there was that Soutpark program about the kids stealing the corpse of somebody's grandmother for some zany reason. When the police are telling the family about the lost of the corpse, the police make some very tasteless remarks about necrophilia. In the UK, this had people ringing in to complain. This must be one of the reasons that we can't see southpark on terrestrial. I did watch the DVD "visitor Q", directed by Takashi Miike, that had a long segment about necrophilia in a green house. Given the type of films that Miike directs, this was pretty tame, by his standards. I could of course research necrophilia by reading a wikepedia article, but you can't believe everything you read on the Internet. Some things need to be experienced. I did have a dream about having sex with someone who was tied up. I was pretty shocked by this and woke up immediately. The only part of my action film script has two hit men killing a woman. So this is part of the script (I own the copyright) Bang, bang the woman dies, Hitman 1, says "she's dead." Hitman 2, says "oh well waste not, want not", and starts to pull down his trousers. Hitman 1, says "what are doing man." Hitman 2, says "but she is still warm. I don't like it whan I have to talk about Eastenders, and they wriggle around when we are doing it". Hitman 1, says "put your trousers back on or I will kill you". Hitman 2, says "ok, ok, man your so weird". The two hit men exist stage left. I am a bit stuck on the next 87 minutes of the film, but there is clearly enough to hook Tarantino in to direct it. Anyway if you follow my advice you will be able to keep bloggng and hold a job.