Saturday, August 15, 2009


I don't want to complain, but it is starting to happen again. The last time I lived in Germany, I wouldbe having a quick drink. I would open a can of beer and it would nasty and wrong. I would look at the can and see the dreaded words "alcohol frei", and I would have to run to bathroom to wash my mouth out. They mix the beer and alchol free beer on the shelves. I thought I was being careful, because I put back a bottle of Alt beer, because I couldn't see the % content

On Thursday night, I opened a brew, and tasted a sugary substance. Apparently, I had bought two cans of Radler. You can see from the picture that the cans are almost identical. Do I really need to read every piece of text on a beer can before I down it?


I have been feeling really burnt out after my move. I am really exhausted. Anyway I decided to take the day off to go and visit Wuppertal zoo. This involved a fun little trip on the Schwebebahn.

I had once tried to go to Wuppertal Zoo, before when I was a meeting here maybe 6 years ago. There was a conference lunch and then afterwards we were supposed to have a free afternoon. The lunch took about 3 hours, because it took them ages to bring the food. On the plus side they did keep bringing lots of little beers.

Today I did manage to look around the zoo. It was a fantastic day, with a blue sky and a dry sun. I am not sure I am too happy looking at caged animals. The lepoards look particularly unhappy. It was clear that if they could get out they would go on a big killing spree. Some of the cages looked small.

Today I did manage to look around the zoo. It was a fantastic day, with a blue sky and a dry sun. I am not sure I am too happy looking at caged animals. The leopards look particularly unhappy. It was clear that if they could get out they would go on a big killing spree. Some of the cages looked small. The vultures looked as though they were just waiting, and then they would pick over the bones.

Above is a picture of me baiting a bear. I am giving it the finger. Pretty brave. You may need to zoom in on the picture to see the brown bear.

Friday, August 14, 2009

CD castration, free download and no self harm

As part of my move to Germany I was forced to look through the things I own. I started buying CDs when I was 24, and I guess on average I bought 2 CDs a week since then. When you stop to think about it, and particularly if you think about the cost of it all, its a bit depressing.

To cut down on the weight and volume of the CDs, I tried to digitize many of them. Also I removed the cases of the rest.

When I looked at the CDs I had bought in the US ten years ago, I noticed I was buying a lot more hard core punk ten years ago. I was surfing the tail end of the early to mid 80s scene that I only knew the tip of with the Dead Kennedys.

As you get older you start to worry about your legacy in this world. I had this horrible vision of my mum giving away my CD collection. Some chick with red hair and wearing leather (my favorite color scheme) is looking through my CDs. She gets excited by what she sees. This guy must have been really cool she thinks, I wish I could have known him, and perhaps dated him. Suddenly she opens a box, and sees an Oasis CD. Yes my friends it is true, I did own an Oasis CD. In my defense I missed out on the original popularity of Oasis, because I was living in the US, when they became big in the UK, so I wanted to know what was up.

Anyway I destroyed the Oasis CD. There are standards don't you know.

Anyway, this post has been made pointless, by the people who moved my stuff to Germany losing all my Cds. How could they do this me? I have been musically castrated. Well, that's me, I am only downloading music for free now!


And so I have moved to Germany. Thoughts, impressions. I seem to have been throwing stuff out of my flat for weeks, but I still didn't get it empty before I left. I had about 2 hours sleep before I handed the keys back. I had too pack an additional bag, because I had misjudged the amount of stuff I had.

I could barely walk with the four bags, (one of which was fairly small). Everything was OK at the airports when there was a trolley, but I ran into problems at the German railway stations. There are fairly steep steps to get onto the platform, and I am not very good at getting up stairs, without a lot of bags.

Anyway, as I was burst into tears, and sweat myself to death, I was helped by two women. (Thanks). This was of course a bit humiliating, particularly as one of the women was probably about half my size. When I got to the apartment I found there was a gym at the bottom of the building. I was going to pledge, that I would pump iron, until I could bench press all my possessions. However, I see that the gym is for ladies only. I see, I see, I am not a lazy broken weakling, I just have not had the opportunities....

Sunday, August 02, 2009


As part of the general clear out I found some old students IDs. These are perhaps the last remaining evidence for what I looked like with long hair.

Saturday, August 01, 2009

Swine flu

This swine flu is driving me crazy. I used to take pride in not washing my hands when I went for a piss. But now the UK government is telling me I might die if I don't wash my hands. Normally, I would relieve my self and give a dirty finger to the powers that be, however I have had a life changing experience, so I am now washing my hands all the time, not because I am worried about swine flu, but because I have been fucked in the brain.

Around the time of Burns night we were in the "three judges" pub in Glasgow. In the toilet there was some tape loop "telling us to wash our hands", that I decided to ignore. Two days later I was drinking a beer while I was on the Internet. Suddenly I found that I needed to throw up and go for a very wet shit. This set the tone for the weekend: puke, shit and watch TV. I couldn't face solid food at all on Saturday. What was worse that my body felt repulsed by beer. I have had periods when I have been ill with some plague before.. I just watch TV and sweat it out. This time seemed different, why did I now hate my good friend beer so much. I thought I had food poisoning from eating a burger from a van.

Sunday started the same as Saturday. I didn't know what was happening. On Saturday I thought the problem was food poisoning. I struggled out to the local shop to get ice cream, soup, and yogurt. It must gave been after my tenth shit of the day. I was sitting on the toilet, thinking "so this is what it means to have shit for brains", when it struck me that I had been genetically modified. Why else would I hate beer? I did have some clues though. I did watch a number of programs about Darwin. It seemed to fit, because the Scottish goverment was always trying to stop people drinking.

Anyway if you are thinking that this post has a lot of cuss words, I would humbly like to point out that the newspapers are claiming that swine flu is going to wipe out a large segment of the population, so you want to prioritize your indignation you stupid c**t.

On reflection I think my weekend of vomiting was due to some "winter vomiting illness." Say what you will, but at least these new CIA designed diseases, burn out in a couple of days.