On getting fucked up

Like many people I have an  urge for self destruction that is balanced by my cowardice. Sometime I liked to get a bit messed up. For example I was going to buy a coffee maker, but instead I got some sachets of instant coffee and milk. I drink a lot of tea, so sometimes I like to drink something different.

So I drink my instant coffee, but it makes me fell like shit. Still I will persevere. It is a nice way to feel bad. Hopefully the coffee is just bad, rather than dangerous.