Sunday, December 30, 2012

Special Brew and women from Burnley

Last Sunday I got the X43 bus from Manchester to Burnley. It mostly a pretty quiet journey. At the end of the trip I saw some guy walk to the back of the bus and try to chat up two women. It has to be said it was the worst attempt at chatting somebody up that I have ever heard.

He was maybe mid 30s to 40s, but looked a bit rough. He started by asking about his new smart phone, in a way that sounded like he didn't know anything about the phone. We are not talking about  that he had not read the manual, but more that he had stolen it in Manchester.

He then said "he hated it around here", but as one woman said, "there is some really nice country side around here. Also it makes you sounds as though you want to leave here and that is not a good sign for the other person you are trying to have a relationship with."

Then one of the women said "to be honest with you mate. I don't think I would be interested in a man who drinks special brew at the back of the bus." Special brew has the reputation of being drunk by tramps and alcoholics.

Then he really turned on the charm. He told the women that he was cheating on the benefits. And one of the women said that "they were expecting him to say that."

Then for some reason that he had saved 3000 pounds to go travelling, but he had sniffed 2000 pounds of cocaine instead.. This also went down badly, as for some reason the women viewed this as a waste of money. He had obtained the money for compensation from an accident. Perhaps inevitably the accident was whip lash.

He claimed to have travelled a lot and listed off a bunch of places he had worked at. It sounded as though he had been a chef or bar keeper, but the drugs and booze got to him in the end.
I have heard a few tales like this -- mostly from Big issue sellers. They travelled around, but the something goes wrong.

He was not aggressive, but it would have been a more pleasant journey if he had shut the f*ck up.

When I lived in Glasgow I used to occasionally drink one can of special brew. Note that I would only drink one can, because the strength of special brew is 9%. According to wikipedia it was originally brewed for Winston Churchill, so I view it as my patriotic duty to drink it.

I am bit worried. The last couple of times I have been in Burnley I have noticed how friendly the women are. However, I am not sure that they are that friendly to make a distinction between drinking a can of special brew at the back of a bus and a someone drinking a cold can of special brew at the end of a long day at work. At the end of the day 9% is 9%.