Steven Jesse Bernstein

For reasons still unclear to me I stumbled on Steven Jesse Bernstein. Sometimes I find things by reading a review or some bastardised history. In Bernstein's case I just got a tape in a record store because I liked the cover. When I searched on the web and Amazon maybe a year ago, I could find no information about him. Another lost hero. The magic of wikipedia and myspace, his legacy lives on. I have both tapes "a sad bag" and "prison". "A sad bag" is apparently rare. I used to play it a lot late at night, when I was geting depressed enough to sleep. My favourite track is "the man upstairs." I played this to someone I cared about, to their total lack of interest. I guess it is no fun to share your own self inflcted private hell. I like the nerdy picture of Steven on myspace. from wikipedia I learnt that he used to read poetry with a live rodent in his mouth. How cool is that! No wonder he opened for Nirvana.

books by sir john templeton

I see my very good drinking buddy "Sir John Templeton" has written some books. They look a bit like vanity publishing to me. If my spirtual facard is pierced, I may need to do some serious sucking up to get my hands on the prize money. "I really really enjoyed reading your book. I was deeply moved". (This this is just a little white lie -- I don't want to hurt his feelings). Here is what amazon stock. I can get one of his book for 14p. I am not sure I can face reading it though.

The innovators dilema

I have just finished reading "The Innovators Dilemma" by Clayton Christensen. This is a business book about firms trying to market new technology. Big firms listen to their customers, but miss new markets. The products developed for new markets eventually take over the older established markets and the old companies go bust. The arguments in the book make a lot of sense, but then it is still hard to know what to do about it. That is a being a bit mean to the author, who does offer much sensible advice on how to sell new things.

more radio stuff

I am listening to a new (for me anyway) radio station called resonance FM. There was an article about this station in todays on line gaurdian. There is a jazz show on at the moment. At least I think it is jazz show, some of the tracks are almost white noise. When I lived in Kentucky I used to get a lot of cassette tapes from a label. This was the first time I heard the mountain goats and Simon Joyner. I really liked "paste" who was a guy screaming with a guitar. Either past or one of his buddies would just turn up at gigs and not tune, but scream, rant and power through the set. I thought past were awesome, but he seems to have vanished. Life is so cruel to creative people. Amazon can still sell me some new Simon Joyner CDs.

bishops and rings

To win the Templeton prize, I think I need some kind of spirtual laser. I am not really so sure how to build one, but I have a plan. I am pretty sure that when you meet a bishop you are meant to kiss the ring on their hand. Either, you have to kiss the ring of a bishop or you have to kiss the ring of the mafia chief. I always get those two mixed up. The plan is this. I will meet a bishop, perhaps in Marks and Spencers buying some salad. I will pretend to kiss the ring on his hand. As I put my lips on the ring, I will clench the finger in my mouth and suck the ring down to my stomach. My hope is that bishops have better things to do than stand around waiting for me to crap out his ring. Given the decline of christanity in this country, he is not going to send round some goon soldier priests with rubber gloves to watch me as I take a dump. The rubies and diamonds fom the rings will help me create the sprirtual laser. At this point I get a bit stuck. Perhaps, I will shine a torch on them, or hit them with a hammer. A spirtual laser would help me see other worlds or even the goodness in bad church going folk. Google didn't give me any information about to make a spirtual laser. Perhaps, I will just sell the rings. I worry more that I get so excited that I bite the bishops finger off, and run around the store while chewing it.

I talk no more

I have found that I need to talk a lot less, now that I have this BLOG. I no longer need to talk to my coworkers about beheadings. That part of my personality is chained safely within the confinds of the blogosphere. I have started to tell people about some adventure. Such as "well there were 5 of them with guns and machetes, and all I had was a can of iron bru, but did I waste those f*ckers". I usually get as far as "there were 5.." and then the other person says "read about it in you BLOG". I no longer need to say anything. My valuable breath is saved. (Ok, this has probably happened twice) Soon, I will not need to speak at all. If people are not interested in my views, they can simply rip the wireless keyboard from my rotten fingers. Did I Ever tell you about the man who taught his asshole to talk?

T

One neat thing about Glasgow is that is different to many places in England. It is just the little things, like wondering down a street and seeing so many people drnking iron bru. I also like the nice friendly can of tennents lager. It is all very tastfull, a yellow can with a frindly big red letter T on the front. It is brewed in Glasgow. Not so strong, a mere 4%, but this is Scotland, if you want extra kick, then you drink your beer with a whisky chaser. Umm, the letter T, what does it make you think of? Originally, I though of T as in "The", but now I think T as in Templeton. It is a good omen for my quest to win the Templeton prize. Perhaps, the brewery would like to sponsor me.

King tuts

I finally found the king tuts venue in Glasgow. This was my third attempt to find the place. I was getting ready to a get a GPS on ebay. Now I just need to see a gig there. I would like to go and see Lach play on the 23rd of July, but I am going to a conference then.

District 13

I wnt to see the French film District 13 at Glasgow cineworld. When I got the ticket, it took me a while to understand what the woman at the till asked. I finally worked out that she was asking "do you know this film is subtitles?" What was she trying to insuate, that IU can't read, or I am just some kind of dumb guy who just watches action movies (OK that part is true). This was a film, where hearing the actors talk was not so important. There was a lot of really cool jumping off buildings and jumping downstairs and over cars. Lots of shooting too! It is good to see a good foreign film. I feel sophisticated. Poor Jackie Chan is no longer the master of running and jumping

Syd Barrett

So Syd Barrett is dead. Another hero gone. Kevin Coyne died recently. Only one of my heroes on myspace is still alive. Like many people my age I got into Pink Floyd from "the wall", but as I got older and things seem to get stranger, I was more and more drawn to Barrett. When I was growing I spent my first (and last) clothes allowance on buying the two solo albums of Barrett. There is something about the voice. Perhaps, I am another loser, who worships the myth of insanity. Oh well, I still need a copy of syd playing "Vegetable Man". The Jesus and Mary chain version is not enough. I once heard a radio interview by Malcolm MacLaren who wanted Barrett to produce the sex pistols. When Syd replied the radio went shhhshhshs, so I never got to hear what he said. On some other radio show they interviewed his brother in law who had power of attorney for him. I once heard a song where they go round for tea at Syd Barrets house. Part of lyric goes "hw was very famous once". Syd is still famous among the few that know.

Bible cake

For a mere 22 pounds I can buy "a bible cake" from Greggs on Byers Rd. This may be worth the cost, but my body rejected the shiny white cake, even as I queuned up for my morning bacon roll. I hope that when I win the Templeton prize, I am not served "Bible cake", because they may have to force me to eat it and then I would puke it back up. This would not be so good at a fancy prize awarding cermony. Even in these times when the church is slowly sinking into the swamp of oblivion, I find my repulsion for all christian things somehwat excessive. Perhaps, I am possessed by a minor demon. That would make some sort of sense. I don't see this as an obstacle to winning the Templeton prize for joining science and spirituality. Still the explanation is too common place.

autobiography

I am not totally sure that I always need to record every CD I buy, or DVD I watch in this BLOG. On the other hand, when I win the "Templeton prize", someone may want to write my biography. This online diary will be a useful resource. I can't decide who the best person would be to write my biography. I was thinking of asking Harold Pinter. Or perhaps, Salmon Rushdie would be the man to write my life history.

DVD

I watched the DVD "good night and good luck" last night. This was the back and white film about a TV journalist who went after Joseph McCarthy. It was a very clever film with some mighty fine acting. I never felt that the top journalist was ever in any danger of being smeared and destroyed. Although the lesser people around him were in danger of losing everything. At the end of the film, Munro gave a speech about how mindless entertainment on TV wsa kiliing the medium. I even thought about this as I watched a documentary abot Gram Parsons, who was one the first country rock people. When he died, two of his drinking buddies stole his body and set fire to it in the desert. After that I watched the avengers, that show is being repeated using the magic of additional digital channels. This evening I am going to watch "dead or alive" a DVD directed by Takashi Miike. So I have learnt nothing from watching "good night and good luck".

Kafka

To try and improve my blogging I am reading "Franz Kafka: Letters to Milena". before BLOGS, there were letters. I still remember when I found Franz Kafka's "america" in the local library in Knutsford. I was hoping that my writing would turn more outwards, rather this strange and crazy persuit of inner sanity. Kafka is fairly self obsessed. He is writing to woman, but it is clear that Kafka is shielded from normal emotion by a wall of words. Here is a quote from a letter by Kafka

Writing letters .. means to denude oneself before the ghosts, something for which they greadily wait. Written kisses don't reach their destination, rather they are drunk on the way by the ghosts.

Cool, eh.. I was going to look up what "denude" means, but as I copied the lines from the book, it became clear. If at work I write "unquench", then perhaps I am allowed to use denude at home. I am losing faith in myself, I will look up up "denode" later.. Kafka says

It occurs to me that I can't remember your face in any precise detail. Only how you finally walked away between the tables of the coffee-house, your figure, your dress, these I can still see.

Kafka dude, you are telling the chick she has an ugly face. Also, what is this "finally" word telling her. Gosh, if I could spin and weave these words into mighty tales, perhaps I too could be arrogant and rude.

King tuts

I did plan to go to King Tuts (music venue) after the film last night. However, I couldn't find the place. I had sketched out a little map, but somehow I couldn't find the street to turn off. This is the second time that I have failed to find this venue. One of the particular joys of Glasgow is that the same street will change its name. Of course I could have taken an AZ to the gig, but frankly that wouldn't be too cool. One day I will find tbis mythical venue. The sound of roaring guitars will meet me and I will know I have arrived to where the sound is.

Fearless

I wnt out to see the film "fearless" with Jet Li at the Glasgow cini-world Wednesday evening. I would like to point out that, that I had a piece of dust in my eye at the end of the film. I was definetly not crying. This was a peroid piece film set in 1910. Jet Li was a Wushu (kung fu) fighter who by arrgogance ended up killing a master. He hies in the country and comes back to help fight for Chinese honour. I am no expert on this, but it was like a slightly lower budget version of "once upon a time in china". In fact he may have been playing the same person "Wong Fei Hung". It was much better than Jet Li's western films. As I got home they were showing "the one" on channel 5. This did nothing for me when I saw it at the cinema. Too much wire and CGI.

Glasgow radio

After a wee search I have found another internet radio station. This is one is called radio magnet. It is based in Glasgow and has a number of DJ based shows in different styles. I started listening to the indie show. The DJ managed to last one track before he played local Glasgow favourites: Camera Obscura. I would enjoy looking for new stations more if "real player" sort of did what it was supposed to do. I shpuld never have upgraded. Perhapsm I should read the help file.

Supernatural

Now that the goal of my life is winning the templeton prize, I can finally enjoy watching the "supernatural" TV program. It is not mindless entertainment, but actually useful background viewing for some top quality essay for the Templeton prize. Umm, while I think about it, there were many x-files episodes that I missed as well.

SCUM

I think my relations with the opposite sex would improve if I was more sensitive. So I read the SCUM manifesto by Valerie Solanas. Valarie is famous for shooting Andy Warhol. I think it is fair to say that Valarie hates men. SCUM stands for the Society for Cutting Up Men. I am always disapointed that this type writing is not crazy enough. Here is a quote:

The male is completly egocentric, trapped inside himself, incapable of emphasising or identifying with others, of love, friendship, affection or tenderness. He is a completed isolated unit incapble of rapport with anyone. His responses are entirely visceral, not cerebral; his intelligence is a mere tool in the service of his drives and needs

As I told you not so mad. If only Valerie had seen the football players in the English team crying on Saturday, then perhaps she might have changed her mind.....

Gideon's bible

I spent Saturday night in Aberdeen. In the room, after doing important Saturday night things like watch Dr Who, I thought I should do thinking about quest for the Templeton prize. If I want that cheque for a million dollars in my pocket then I am going to have to focus many of my waking hours on becoming spirtual. Since I was in a hotel room I thought I would look at the bible. I saw a black leather book on a bookshelf in the room. This is meant to comfort people in some way that is apparentlt better than providing free shots of whisky. As I moved towards the bible I started sweating and limbs felt numb. I just couldn't get close enough to pick it up. I felt a deep revulsion to the leather bound book. I didn't try very hard. About twenty years ago, I stopped going into churches and cathedrals. Obviosuly, before that I never used to actually go to any religous service. I am talking about entering a church as a tourist. I don't feel well going into churches. Luckily the hotel room had many mirrors, and I could check that my reflection was still. I don't think I have been bitten on the neck recently, so I am safe on that front. I could just be mildly christianity. I don't think I am any kind of Damion like figure. Dogs either bark at me or come up wag their tail and lick my hand.

Training for the Templeton prize

While in Aberdeen I picked up "the virago book of spirituality" and a book of pictures about the freemasons. I am not totally clear in my mind, how reading a book on the freemasons will help me win the Templeton prize, but it has some coll pictures. The book on spirituality is probably more useful. It is a collection of articles about inner peace. I may actually finsih this book, because it is not so dull. I might have to some candle staring to fins some kind of inner peace that I can market as an "experience" profound enough to win the Templeton money. In the same bargain bookstore I can get books on magic and the occult. I may have to face the possiblity of casting spells or a hex on some of the other people going after the prize money. I don't see anything in the rules of the Templeton foundation that does not allow the use of black magic. Anyway I am sure that will not mind if I help my case with the black arts -- as long as no one finds out about it

long weekend

I have been feeling more and more burnt during the last few weeks. I needed a break, but the Russian's have my passport, so I took Friday off. On Friday I went to see Lake Lomond. This involved getting a train to Balloch. Many times when I have visited Glasgow, someone always end up going to see Lake Lomond. So I decided it was my turn to view Lake Lomond. Given the hight cost of trains and hotels in the UK, I have been going to Europe for a holidays. However, as I got off the train, I rembered another a reason that I don't take many holidays in the UK. Rain. It was raining when I got off the train. It wasn't raining too hard so I thought I would trudge on. I usually don't bother with any of this map business, so I wondered around for a bit and found some water. Thedn I saw a cruise ship set off, so I followed that for a bit along some path. The rain was getting heavier, but I thought I would press on follwoing the path by the lake shore. The countryside is very different to the city. There are no coffee shops where a person can have a breather. In fact I hardly saw anyone at all. More rain fell. After a while, I got bored and turned around back to the station. I saw some map and to my relief found that I had indeed been walking around Lake Lomond. So another box ticked, and I headed back to the city for some Japense food and a flask of warm sake. In Glasgow the sun shone on, as the city welcomed me back in my wet and dirty country clothes

how low can a person go in spin theology

In my quest to win the Templeton prize I have invented the field of "spin theology". This is where I use spin systems to model the Universe and provide a framework to answer questions in theology. After living in the US, I know that one key theological question is the treatment of abortion. I don't know, and more importantly I don't see how to make any money out of the abortion issue. In my first plenary in the confernce on spin theology I will draw attention to the issue of abortion in the subject. Open questions are good in a virgin field.

outwards to Aberdeen

The last couple of weeks I have not being out much, so the BLOG has been a bit insular. I am horrendosuly burnt out and need a holiday. Normally, I would book a flight to Eastern Europe and spend a couple of days exploring a new city. However, I am going to a conference in Moscow next month, and my passport is hopefully in the Russian embassy waiting for a visa stamp. So rather than going to Poland, I am going to spend the weekend in Aberdeen. Oh, the fun I am going to have. The magic of easyjet and ryanair tells me that I am probably going to spend the same amount of money to go to Aberdeen as Poland. Still, the fun I will have. Fucking visas.

cocktails

Many people think that because I love eating sausage and chips that I am not some kind of master chef. Well, maybe but I have been experimenting with creating new types of food. I thought I would start with a cocktail. So I have created "deep tennents mars bar". This is a glass of tennents lager (local Glasgow lager) with a mars bar, a vitamin pill ( because beer is bad for you) and a pill my mum gave me (because pills from mothers are good for you). Anyway yummy.

More radio

I have just been listening to a underground/alternative station based in Dublin. The station is XFM Dublin. I like the DJ chit-chat, but I am not so keen on the music. Although it is mostly stuff, I have never heard before. The search continues.

templars and the templeton prize

I have been thinking about this Templeton prize all wrong. The solution is clear from the name. The Templeton name is very similar to the Knights Templar . The names are close. Coincidence, I don't think so! So the point of the Templeton prize is find the holy grail! The previous prize winners didn't understand this. They were just fooling themselves. The ultimate prize is clearly worth more than a measly million dollars.

Templeton prize URGENT

I have just seen the rules for the Templeton prize. Nominations are due on July Ist. That is this Saturday! Too much to do before then. Oh well, I am at the start of a ten yera campaign to win this thing. Looking at the procedure: Nominators should consider that the Templeton Prize is not awarded for good works per se, but for originality in advancing ideas and institutions that have deepened the world's understanding of God and of spiritual realities. The Prize judges will ask:

[1] What has this person done that was entirely original? [2] Was this contribution primarily spiritual rather than primarily humanitarian? [3] Did this unique contribution result in an appreciable acceleration in spiritual discoveries?

I have invented spin theology. That is very original. So I will have point 1 covered. What the fuck does point 2 mean? My guess is that you don't get thuis prize if you a good person, by giving to charity or working in soup kitchens. That would be regarded as "humanitarian". So I have to continue being mean and self centred, but I just have to cultivate my spirtuality. No problem, if I wanted to help the world, I would be trying for a Nobel peace price , just like Blair did when he ordered the invasion of Iraq. I will have point 3 covered because in 2000 years theology has achieved nothing. Just a bunch of old people trading quotes and insight they gained while they had a good crap. Spin theology will allow theology to be discussed on a scientific level. So progress will be much quicker. I can almost taste the cash.......

Johnny Cash

I have always liked Johnny Cash. I am an outlaw after all. However, the American recordings were so awesome, that I had to own all of them. Trouble after the film last year Cash was everywhere. OK, everywhere might be going a bit far, but they always seemed to be playing Cash in the DVD section of Virgin in Liverpool. Cahs used to sing to me personally, as I sat in the semidarkn gloom of my flat. His broken old voice soaring above the slow rythmic clicking as I opened and closed a lock knife with one hand. My other hand being on whisky duty. Anyway I am tempted out Cash CD buying retirement by the release os some of Cash's last recordings before he died. The new CD is "A Hundred Highways: American V" The trakc they played this morining sounded good, though his voice is more broken tha before. The CD is released on Monday. I probably will not get it then.

More thoughts on the Templeton Prize

What struck me about the Polkinghorne book was that we need a scientific model to answer some of the theological questions. Note Polkinghorne is previous winner of the Templeton prize (you see I really am training to win the dosh). It does seem pointless to add some random quotes from some theological texts and mix in some modern science. Emerging theology from a simple tissue of lies. Umm, maybe not. To answer questions such as can their be free will with all powerfull God, wde need a spefic model where these questions can posed and answered. Yes, this is reductionalism, but what else can do. Randomly qoting from previous theology texts has noi produced any progress (or big book sales) in understanding God. That will have to be some simplications. I am thinking of a simple spin system, such as the Ishing model. Human beings would be modelled by an up or down state at a lattice site. God would then be a magnetic field. God is all powerfull, because he can flip spins. So something like the Ising model. So questions of free will could be discussed in terms of whether the all powerfull magnetic field can always flip a human being (modelled as a spin). I also want to the model like Conway's game of life. Then I could do a presentation, where two blobs come together and then three blobs leave - that is normal birth. But once in the model, one blob just comes from a single blob. See, that is the birth of Jesus. Umm, I am not very good at this type of model building. I have just checked on a physics site.

arXiv.org Search Results Search titles in `cond-mat' in all years (1992-2006) for occurrences of `God' (0 matches) : Sorry there were no titles/authors containing the term God using the search criteria specified. You can return to the searching form by using the BACK option of your browser.

I have just invented the field of spin theology. That must be worth something! I do worry that this may be hidden somewhere in: "A New Kind of Science" by Stephen Wolfram.

radio

This digital radio thing has been a revelation. I never thought I would ever listen to music radio again when John Peel died. Although in the last years of the John Peel show I didn't listen much because the show was at the time I was watching TV/DVD in a booze addled haze. So when I found radio6 I was amazed. I could listen to a music show at breakfast without wanting to vomit or burn down the radio station. Top of the pops is gone, all we need now is get rid of radio 1, and its clutch of Moyles like tossers. I like most of the shows on radio6, except the one by Russell Brand. He just annoys me in a way. Somehow he should be on radio1. I can't felp feeling that him and his "witty" chums are going to take over radio 6. The magic of the internet is that I am no longer forced to the radio 1 crowd of DJ training to be a talk show host. For the last hour I have been listening to 3WK Undergroundradio. So far there hasn't been a DJ at all on the show. There are a few adverts, but mostly on a Sunday at least. No DJ at all I am in heaven! I will probably explore some online radio stations.

prizes

It is becoming clear to me that I am not going to win the nobel prize in physics, so I am going to have to rethink my career path. However, I dco think that it is possible to win templeton prize.

The Templeton Prize is awarded each year to a living person to encourage and honor those who advance spiritual matters, including research in love, creativity, purpose, infinity, intelligence, thanksgiving and prayer.

The prize is worth over a million dollars. Jesus, I could party, drink lots of fancy liqueur, and get the pick of many women with that kind of money. I like the idea of travelling first class. The stewardess would say, "more wine? Oh the wine is a bit cloudy. I will open another bottle for you." I would graciously reply ", thanks there are some Profs. in the economy class. Perhaps you could let them have the cloudy wine in a plastic cup." I have the humlity and humanity to win the prize I just need some angle to jump over the opposition. Umm, this is going to be a tougher than I thought. I only go to church for funerals. Hopefully, people close to me will not all start dying so that I don't become a regular attender. The only time recently I have felt spirtual is when I am holding a sword. One problem is that the templeton might see this blog entry and think that my reasons for winning the prize were not hounourable. I might be OK, because I doubt that I will get the money, until I am fifty. But I have to start to thinking about this now. I have read "Confessions: Confessions of St.Augustine". St Augustine liked to party and had a mistress, before he was saved by christanity. He seemed quite a fun guy before he entered the church. If the Templeton foundation see this entry, I will just say, I was lost then, drinking too much (oh busted) and depressed (sad but true). But I have chnaged, because I have seen the light. It might work. It is what everyone else does.

simple pleasures

When I told my mother about new flat, her some what casutic comment was that "are you going to have lampshades this time." My first feeling was no way, that doesn't quite hardcore enough. There is nothing like watching the slow movement of a naked electric light bulb in a bleak white washed room to control feeling. As it happens my new flat has lamp shades and that gives the rooms a homely feel that too my surprise I find pleasant. The picture shows that view from my third floor flat. The next picture show another view. Those green things are called trees. When I stare at them it makes me feel restful. In the distance I can see the hills. I know that I can escape to the hills, when I need to free the stess beast. Someone was complaining to me that this blog was "mundane". An online dictionary, tells me that "mundane" means: "Relating to, characteristic of, or concerned with commonplaces; ordinary." Yes, it is an ordinary well adjusted post. Trouble is, at some stage I will get bored and I will slip back into the life of bare knuckle boxing matches and gun running.

theology

I have been reading the book called "science and creation -- the search for understanding" by John Polkinghorne. John was a theorist at Cambridge, but chucked it in to become some kind of priest. With out wanting to sound mean, the field he was in died with the birth of the standard model, so joining the church was probably a smart move. The book is a mixture of science and theology. I didn't really feel that there was a good synthesis between the physics and theology. The study of theology involves quoting large passages from obsure theology books. If you get in trouble, the writers mumbles somthing about "faith" and then another big quotation. The main thing I learnt was that the moto of the Royal Society of Science is "Nullius in verba". John translates this as "no more talking". I translate John's translation as "shut the fuck up." The latin does sound more classy. The book cost me a pound, because the previous owner had marked it with their questioning pen. For example, the phrase "the anthropic principle" is underlined with the question marks. Pretty good commentary.

The apprentice

I just finished reading "the spprentice" by my good buddy Sir Alan Sugar. This is the spin off of the reality TV show where contestents try to win an executive position at the company called Amstrad. Yeah, like many people I thought Amstrad used to make computers, and then went bust. Apparently there are still around making varous things. In a typical English way the company does OK, but it is not like they are google or anything. The book has useful advice on marketing/people issues type things. Not really a good book for a technology start up. Yiu are more likely to hire Sir Alan to do the marketing rather than to come up with new creative ideas. As he admits, Alan doesn't haved a good feel for software. I think this TV series is causing science departments at UK universities all kinds of problems. I see the vice chancellors watching the TV program, trying to learn how to be an "executive", but their partners are nagging them to do the washing up. Later as the VC stands at the sink with his frilly apron on scrubing dishes, he is thinking "I will show her how powerfull I am". So the next day, the VC goes to work and orders the head of the physics department into his big plush office. The head of the department enters the romm. The VC glowers at him, points his finger and says "your fired and I am closing down your department too". So my theory is that physics and chemsitry departments are getting closed down because VCs can't afford dishwashers.

Being cool

I have been watching more of this season's big brother TV program. I don't always watch with the sound on, because I am not that interested in what they are saying. I can't help feeling this is the cool crowd -- that I was never allowed to join. I was never that interested in that type of crows and they never noticed me. One male contestant said to another "what were your first impressions of me?" When I was younger I would have said "I thought you were a dick," and then hope they didn't ask "so what do you think of me now?", because the wrong answer to that type of question tends to sour friendships. In a book on soft computing issues, it noted that it takes a lot of work to be cool and this doesn't leave time for much else. This strikes me as true from the small amount of time I have watched big brother. Anyway beeing cool takes work. In my new flat, I having to decide what DVDs stay in boxes and what gets put on shelves. I find that I am choosing titles that in my opinion my impress someone. (It is clear that "the toxic avenger" and "the killer nun" DVDs are not going to make any vistor think I am a cool cat. Here is a quick list of cool DVDs: 1 "Battle Royale" (kids killing kids in this game) 2) "Memories of murder" ( great Korean police story. I didn't understand the end) 3) "Violent Cop" (The cop in question is a total nutter, but I am trying to walk the same way as him). 4) "Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance" (stylish Korean film) 5) "Audition" (insanity on film. I never date womwn who have been involved in ballet because of thuis film). 6) "Babycart at the river Styx" (This film convinced me that one day I could become a parent. looks easy enough). 7) "Unforgiven" (There is just something I like about this film, even though it is not as intense as the asian stuff.) 8) "Shaolin soccer" (The greatest film about football ever made).

The last templar

My faith in satire is shaken. Even the southpark movie could not stop the second gulf war. The fantastic book Focault's Pendulum by Umerto Eco did not stop the templar rollercoaster of crap books. I finished "the last templar" over the weekend. It was a page turner as we say, and much better than any Dan Brown stuff, but still I did wonder how I ended up buying the book, (Ok, it was advertised very high up on the amazon home page). I liked the pre-ending where they were at rest on a small island, but I didn't see the need for another chase scene. Also, the hidden templat document was lost to the world, because the "heroine" wanted to marry the catholic FBI agent. What about the truth? It also shows a fairly deep lack of understanding of the academic world. As long as they wrote their papers in journals, rather than calling press conferences. No one would have noticed. I have read what the king of France wrote about the templars when he started to lock them up. I thought it was very funny and over the top in a camp sort of way. My own book on the templars is based on the phrase "as drunk as a templar. The secret documents of the templar knights will be their bar bill (that is where all the money went) and a line of very twisted sex toys. I like the idea of the two scholars looking at the diagram in the secret templat document, that six people have died trying to find, and saying "but what is it for", while their street savy guide giggles. I was planning to have a gullible American author, perhaps called Han Grey, get confused and believe everything told him. But, the sex toy angle? Opus Dei. Perhaps I have misjudged the great man. (I don't want to get sued).

tonfa

As I slowly unpack my stuff, I keep finding books I had forgotten about. I have a reasonably large collection of books on martial arts, although I have not trained for a couple of years. I also found my tonfa. I don't really know why I got these. I never trained in a system where tonfa were used as weapons. So I am not so sure how to use them. An important aspect of self defence is looking cool. If I get attacked my masked burglars, I expect that they are more likely to die of laughing, while I try to hold the tonfa in a way that I can give them a proper smack. Its not clear to me that learning some karate kata will help me out.

I am such a faker

After proudly telling people how many boxes I needed to move my books from Liverpool to Glasgow, I find that I have filled one bookshelf with unread books. I did know that I hadn't finished many books, but in my shappy flat in Liverpool, the unread books were scattered over the various piles of read books. It just looks so bad when I have a large bookshelf full of unread books, starting down at me and judging me when I open a beer or watch a DVD. I am such a faker on the book front. Also, the cult band the nightengales played on 31st May in Liverpool. If I had been more organised, I would hgave arranged things so that I could have seen them on the last night I was in Liverpool. But alas, I lacked comittement to the cause. The nightengales were a very important late 70s and early 80s band that John Peel supported. I recently got nightengales CD at the same time as I got the artic monkes latest. I mostly played the nightengales. I am a faker on the music front. When I was in Glasgow to looks for a flat, I could have arranged things to see the film about daniel johnston, but went for a curry instead. Lack of comittment again. I am an all round faker.

Glasgow barfly

I went out to the Glasgow barfly on Friday night. It is different to the Liverpool barfly because in Glasgow the bands play downstairs, while in Liverpool they play upstairs. Although going to the barfly is meant to be about seeing new cutting edge bands, perhaps the venvues should all be exactly the same. Brand management and all that. Anyway I drank way too much, so getting home was a bit of a challenge. If people want to know what living in Glasgow is all about then I can say that it involves going up and downstairs. This is reelated to the barfly post, because as usuall going to the toilet involves going up two flights of stairs. I don't think I have been up and down so many stairs before I came to Glasgow. Perhaps, the scots like to relive their highland past lives. I think they have taken in very hard that Scotland are not in the world cup. So we all have to go up and down stairs os that the Scotish team can qualify in 2010 for the world cup. The band I went to see called "Vincent Vincent and the villans". Can't say they did much for me. Perhaps, the beer and stairs had done me in.

orange order

Yesterday I was sitting at home watching a DVD, when I heard drums and whistles from the road outside. When I told someone that I lived on Maryhill Road, then told me that this is a road used in the marching season. When I looked out there was the orange order march going down the road. There were about 50 to 100 people and a bunch of old dudes, that my memory want to mislead me in saying that they were wearing bowler hats. I am a very lapsed catholic, but still, I thought I better make some effort. So I was just about to open the window to throw an empty beer can at them, when I listened to what the band where playing. They were playing oki-cokie! I don't know much history, but I am pretty sure this is not a traditional protestant marching song. For some reason, I always thought the orange oredr were religous bigots, but clearly if they play good honest karoke music, there are clearly sweet innocent people. Perhaps, I should join and I could join them in a joly sing along.

jobs

I read something on slashdot about companies using myspace profiles to screen job candidates. People who put on their profile that their hoppies include "smoking big pipes of weed" had problems getting interviews. I can believe that youngish people in human rescources are looking at myspace profiles to screen people and probably prove to upper management that they are cool and hip but still sensible (and keeping the hipper druggie crowd from upstaging them). Luckily I read about this in a book my Esther Dyson maybe about 5 years ago. The book by Dyson was called something like "release 2.?". It had a lot about the importance of online presence. I am very carefull not to say anything controversial on this blog.

my football song

As football fever sweeps the nation I can now releal that I too have an idea for a football song, even though I know next to nothing about the game. Also I don't actually have any lyrics-- just a concept or two. This football song is sung like a captain beafheart or the fall. The song starts with me rambling on that "Liverpool needs to be united.". "There can only be one". So that is the idea behinf verse 1. Verse 2 offers a solution. "I am going to burn down Goodison Park" to help Liverpool unity. " I repeat this a couple of times. This is the second verse. Then the third verse gets a bit clever. I sing about how some nice scousers take me in their car to the ground with a boot full of petrol. The journey takes 40 minutes. I burn the stadium down. Verse 4 starts with me getting up the next day. In fact, I had been tricked and I had accidently burnt down Old Trafford instead. The song ends with the happy people of Liverpool being united by the scorched ground of arch rivals of Man United. Even sitting in a third floor flat in Glasgow 200 miles from Liverpool, I can't help feeling that I would get beaten up when I start to sing the seond verse. Fair enough I suppose, but Liverpool is meant to be the capital of culture. It would make a chnage to another boy meets girl type of song.

CDs

I was proud of myself because I had been living in Glasgow for a whole week before I went in to the CD shop called "fopps" and got some Cds. I was hoping to download more stuff, but that requires my broadband supplier being capable of changing my address before a month is up. Anyway I started by buying a Scott Walker CD for six pounds on Wednesday. By Saturday I had blown 27 quid on CDs. The reason I went into fopps on Saturday was to get a CD by the streets. I did find a copy of "a grand don't come for free" by the streets. This is an almost spoken word rap like CD. Some guy loses a thousand pounds in his flat, then he loses his girl friend. It is a very clever concept album. The singe was on the Jools Holland show maybe two weeks ago.

my Glastonbury Glasgow experience

The West End festival started on Saturday. As this is near my new HQ, I went down to watch the parade. It was a nice sunny day, as this is fairly unusual for Glasgow, Bryer's Rd was packed with happy smiling people. I wasn't really in the mood for a great crowd of joy filling the streets. I tried to get into the spirit of thing, by eating a burger. I could have murdered a beer, but alas there were no beer tents. I could have gone to the supermarkets for beer, but it didn't seem like. I missed most of the bands playing too, because I didn't see the signs until I had escaped the crowds. It may appear that I am some kind of miserable git, but I had to go so that I could listen to the feakzone on radio6 music. This week the show was about krautrock. This is some kind of late 80's German thing. I wasn't really enjoying the music until Julian Cope came on and played some tracks. What a clever chap. He had written a book on Krautrock. He did say it was not available in the UK. I thought I could get a copy from amazon for under a tenner, but the reviewer kindly pointed out that this was the German translation. The English is version is selling for 140 pounds. I couldn't find some of the bands featured on the show, such as cam?, speend?, and scorpions??. The band "cam" were apparently a big influence on the happy mondays. Anyway, why would I want to stand in the bright blazing sun with the masses, when I could be at home listening about obscure German bands, that no one I will ever meet will have heard of?

health

Before I went out to buy some cans of Tennents large last night I watched a program where a doctor helped a guy who was drinking the equivalent of 10 pints a night plus snorting 5 thousand pounds a month of cocaine. Apparently all he needed to clean himself up was to do some excercise. I did wonder what job he had that allowed him to afford to party so hard. I know he was living in London, but still the money is not that good down there. II was going to clean myself up, but the cafe here no longer serves smoothie fruit drinks. So I have to drink cold coffee drinks...

last templar

I am slowly reading a bokk called "the last templar". This is yet another book about the templar knights. I can't tell whether the hidden templar treasure is about the secret blood line of Jesus or some hidden treasure. Anyway it is an exciting read. It is better written that the de vinci code, but that is not so hard. I am not so sure wht I am readin yet another book about this tired subject. The gnostic spirit used to be an important part of the books written by Lawrence Durrel. It is also the theme of the books like the subtle knife. Both those types of book are well written. Also I don't have a lot of interest in the scret blod line of Jesus, but I have liked the idea that the universe was made by the devil, while god was not looking. This is also part of the Templar canon of bullshit. Umm, I can see an idea for my own brand of badly written blockbuster... A bit of theology, and a lot of sex and killing.

posh Glasgow

When ever I have visitedGlasgow it has always struck me as being rather posh. There are a lot of wine bars and smart eating places. After living in Liverpool I am used to buying my booze from people hidden behind bullet (and thieving child) proof glass. An off liscence close to me sold me my beer through a small windos in the glass. The little gate was shut straight after I took hold of my beer. A bit paranoid. It looks like I am living near a big bingo hall again. But why?

First Glasgow post

I have succesfully moved my HQ from Liverpool to Glasgow. I now live in a third floor flat off Maryhill Road. The view is great. I can sit in my leather chair and stare out above the skyline of the West End of Glasgow. Perhaps, I will think great thoughts here. Last night I looked out of my window down into the gentile sprawl of Glasgow. Out there, I thought, are: pimps, drug dealers, whores, gangsters, underworld types, drug fiends, and hard men. I punched my left fist into my hand. I will make this twon my own. Perhaps one of the freaks will be my friend.

crumb

I watched a DVD called "crumb" during the week. This is a documentary about a famous cartoonist called Robert CRumb. He became famous during the 60's for his underground comics. They interviewed him with his two brothers, both of which had fairly sever mental health problems. The older brother never left the house or put his flase teeth. He had a distinctive sound when he talked. The other brother was into more normal stuff like sleeping on a bed of nails. I thought that Robert was mocking his brother a bit during the interview, perhaps in a normal sibling rivalry type thing. Charles comitted sucide a year after the film was made. Some of the last comics that Charles did while he was at school, starting putting more and more text to the pictures, before the comic imploded into unreadable scrawl.

magnet

I went for a drink in ther magnet bar in Liverpool. I was pretty tired. The magnet is a cool bar with boothes and red leather seats. There used to be an annoying rock wall thing on one of the walls, that one of my good drinking partners used to complain about. In the half light I saw a huge photograph of a lone man on a seat. I could't tell whether the man was sitting on a piona stool, or slumped in a bar (like me). It was fun to try and decide which it was, than to walk over and take a closer look. True piglrims of this blog can investigate this issue for themselves. Here is some information on the magner bar. After I left the bar, I walked to the bus stop near the bombed out church. As I trurned a corner I saw a beautiful white horse full of power and life. It seamed a strange sight in the center of Liverpool. It was a police horse. Man, I was tired last night.

God hates me

I really wanted to see the band Brian Jones Town massacre play at the Barfly last week. When I went to the venue the gig was sold out. The door staff was pretty good and tried to get someonw with a spare ticket to sell it me. Unless I totally fucked up this is the same band that was in the great documentary called "dig". This was a comparison between two bamds. One band suceeded and the other messed up drugs. The band that messed up was the more talented. This is a pretty bland review, but the film dig is clearly one of the greatest rock documentaries ever made. When I saw the film at the Liverpool FACT the place was not that full. Perhaps, if I watched MTV and listened to young and hip radio 1, I would have known more people would turn up. I was a bit worried that I was going to the gig because of voyourism. I would hate to be like the people who go to babyshambles gigs just to see the lead singer OD on stage. Their set at Glastonbury was pretty weak. (OK I watched it on TV, but still....)

Liverpool

I orginally took this job in Liverpool because someone on a hazy and smokey bar told me that there was a gate to hell hidden in Liverpool. I have searched and searched. Some blood has been split (not all of it mine). Various live things have been sacrificed to the instructions in the large leather book I bourght from a white flaky old lady in a Manchester oxfam shop. Still I have two weeks to find the gate to the heat and pain. I must believe I can do this.

daniel johnston

Umm. The people at FACT are such bastards. They keep flashing the trailor for the documentary about Daniel Johnston. Daniel Johnston was an underground singer song writer whose career was hampered by mental illness. I think I first got my first Daniel Johnson CD when I was living in the US. I have always picked up a new CD when I see it in a store, but they don't tend to stock his back catalogue. I really like Daniel Johnston, but perhaps not as much as I like Syd Barret or Kevin Coyne, but srill... In one of the reviews I read that he got obsessed by Mountain dew. This was also ne of my favourite drinks in the US The documentary was playing in Glasgow when I was up there last week, but I didn't make the show. I just worry that FACT will not show it before I leave. Oh well, I can just get it on DVD.

Brick

I have just been out to see a film called "brick" at the Liverpool FACT center. What a great film! It was a film noir film set in an american high school. The hero was like a private eye type figure in a 50's black and white film. There was a lot of cool talking and jargon. The hero gets beaten up on a regular basis. Part of the film was insane. The hero was talking to the drug dealer while his mum fixed him orange juice and cereal. In some kind of ideal world I would like to dress like the drug baron pinn. Very gothic. For another review see here.

internet

I love the web. I downloaded a Daniel Johnston CD to my computer. I listened to his songs of mentail illness and pain in my bedroom, and I too felt a bit sad. I found the latest record by Neil Young tha he realeased free from a web site. THis was a good rocking record. Perhaps not a classic, but an angry anti-bush rant. I then found te censored episode of south park about Tom Cruise. What more does a person need to be happy, but high speed internet access? I clearly need to start to download more music. TRouble is what will I do on Saturday afternoon. For over 10 years I have gone out on a Saturday afternoon to buy Cds. What will I do with the saved time. If the electronic book thing works out. I could carry all my possessions in my laptop. I would finally be free of the real clutter that surrounds me.

Glasgow

I am sitting in a coffee house in the West End of Glasgow drinking a latte. Yep, I always feel a bit let down by the "poshness" of the city. Perhaps, I have just been brainwashed my the English propaganda machine. There are plenty of hard men in the streets and pubs. Two police walked into the pub we were in last night. This looked the same as the regular patrols around Lark lane. I have found a place to live. I am going to move ino a flat with two bedrooms, a working shower, and no holes in the bathroom. This will be a luxury I have nt had in Liverpoool (although I could have moved to a nicer place).

Thomas Lang

I went out to see Thomas Lang play at the University of Liverpool student guild. I had never heard of hime before. He looked vaguely techno and European on the posters. I did of course check him out on this internet thing. When I looked at the ticket I got from the card shop, I noticed that I had ticket numer 20. Small crowds always freak me out, because the band are pretty unhappy. When a hit the venue, I noticed a number of things. The place was packed. Local bands always do well. But it was a sit down do. I just hate seated venues. In this case a large fraction of the audience were a bit old so perhaps seats are needed, but you know rock and roll...... if you can't manage to stand up for a sixty minute set, perhaps a another TV night might be better for you.... The seats didn't put me in a receptive mood. The songs were very "easy listening", but perhaps on another night I might have been enjoyed the set more.

bacon

I went to Macdonalds to have a bacon sandwhich this morning. The road at the botton of Aigburth road was totally closed off. Some shots had been fired at 6:30 in the morning. I was not put of though. When you need a bacon roll you need it and no amount of mere bullts will put you off.

A new york doll

I just went out to see a doc his film at te FACT center in Liverpool. umentary about the base player for the band "the new york dolls". I saw the film at the mighty fine FACT center in Liverpool. The New York Dolls were a very influciencial pre-punk band. They influenced the Ramones for example. Just before they got really big, they slit up because of a variety of drug and alchol problems. The player "killer kanes" essentially just dropped out. He wanted to be s star but couldn't manage it. He ended up poor and alcholic and joined the Mormon faith. He worked at a library for the church. There was a reunion gig organized by Morrisey in LOndon. It looked as though the documentary was started when the guy suddenly got the call to go this gig in London. It was a strangley touching film. The Mormon church must be very pleased by the film. They had a number of interviews with his Bishop and personal teacher. It was all quite respectifull. Even when one of the other New York Dolls was taking the piss out of his mormon beliefs (in a fairly gentle way), Kane took it pretty well. I am glad I didn't see this film before I lived in Salt Lake City. I might have made some different decisions. Perhaps I would have not jointed up with those gnostic people. Anyway a good documentary. Not perhaps as seminal as "dig" but still pretty cool. It looks as though the FACT center are going to show the film about Daniel Johnston. I really like the guys voice -- it oozes insanity and pain.

audition

I watched the DVD "audition" directed by Miike Takashi as my bank holiday treat on Monday. Jessssuez. A lonely director organizers an audition for a film to meet someone to marry. The first half of the film is a romantic comedy and the second half is a piece of insanity and genuine torture fest. My DVD player had some problems playing the entire DVD, so I ended up slighly more confused than I should have been because of the odd frozen scene. I really liked the texture and colours in the film. There were great flashbacks in the film. The guy is having a "nice" chat with the women over dinner. The flashback sees one of his friend freak out about the women. Anyway I am not going to date any women who used to practise ballet.

ugly duckling

Last night I went out to see a hiphop band called ugly duckling at the Carling accademy. I don't think I have ever been to a see a proper hip-hop band before. There are no instruments like a guitar -- just a DJ deck. I got searched when I sdent in (God I'm hard). Can't say I saw many gangsters in the venue. A pity really I could have done with selling a few more guns. I realy enjoyed their set. There was a good positive vibe with everyone singing a along with the band.

Iraq

I have decided that I can't go on with this life of no meaning anymore. I feel so empty. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel like an pointless thing such as suicide, I just feel the need for more meaning in my life. I was walking to work today, it becme clear the only way to feel again was to help people. The only cause that matters now is Iraq. So I must go to Iraq and help the people become free and happy just like me. Umm, I see one problem already. Expedia don't sel tickets to Iraq! This is what Expedia says when I try to go to Iraq: Destination currently unavailable -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Expedia.co.uk is unable to sell tickets to one or more of the destinations you have chosen. Please select a different destination. We apologise for the inconvenience. Apart from the problem of actually getting there. I am not sure what I can give to the people of Iraq OK I have had an idea. I will go there and open an off liscense. Irqa is a dangerous place but they probably don't have the off liscences with glass walls in them that Liverpool has. I am sure that the glass in a Liverpool off liscens is bullet proof, whether they can take a bazooka shot I am unsure. If I do get a flight to Iraq, I don't see myself taking the cases of Carling beer there. So I will have to be more cunning. I will take over some traditional English homebreew beer. That should be easy to take in a suitcase. I could brew "freedom beer". That would sell well, I am sure. Perhaps, George Bush would visit my shop, because of my succesful busines. How could George refuse a tankard of freedom ale? Now that would make politics in the US interesting and help the people of Iraq.

rats

Last Thursday I was pulling the one working wheelie bin for this flat to the front of the house to be collected. I heard a bit of rusteling from the bin. This little black thing jumped out and ran over the road. Oh a rat I thought. I was too numb to feel fear or revulsion. I wouldn't like it if there were rats in the flat. Yesterday, I looked up through the window to look at a tabby cat walk on a high wall. The cat looked at me, as if to say, you are protected from the rats. I winked back at the cat, heavy with the promise of tuna for my new rat guzzling best friend.

wasting my life

I can't help but feeling that I am wasting my life. I got in from work last night. I was so tired and burnt out, that I could only watch "Miss Marple" on TV and drink some beer. I didn't even have the energy to watch the film audition by Miike Takashi. I wasn't in the mood for torture. It was a wasted evening. Nothing creative watched or created. I have also spent part of the morning looking for reviews of the latest Scott Walker CD on the guardian. Why? For what purpose. The only reason can be that I am addicted to this consumerism. I did find that Scott Walker had put out a CD of Jacques Brel covers. I have 1 CD Jaques Brel CD, but he sings in French. Of course I could learn French to listen to the original songs, but I am a lazy Englishman. I need to turn my life around. Perhaps, I should volounteer to go to Iraq to find myself and get a purpose.

16 blocks

I went out to see the film called "16 blocks" on Friday. This was the latest film staring Bruce Willis. I enjoyed the film don't get me wrong. It reminded me a lot about a film called the gauntlet that starred Clint Eastwood. Bruce is still fun to watch because is not afraid to be getting old. I agree with the reviewers, that the film was exciting in the first half. It was very soppy and sentimental in the final 20 minutes. It woukd have been a better film if they had wasted the witness. Anyway this type of film is not high art. Still some small changes would have made it much better.

web 2

Although the point of this blog is more focussed on my travels through the worlds of booze, drugs, and fetish sex, I do find that I am quite excited by the idea of web 2.0. The things that google and yahoo are doing seem very interesting. Many of things that the internet promised are now starting to be realised. If the BBC open their archives that will be fantastic. I will be able to see smilys people again without buying the DVD. I have read some of the books written by (non-technical business )people who first got the web in the early 90s. They did seem to be living in some buble universe. Perhaps, things will be different this time.

one click

I sucumed to the advertising for the "click" dehoderant from Lynx. These are the adverts where you just spray it on and chicks come up to you and you get to click on some kind of counter. This always struck me as kind of weird, because the guys in the adverts never seemed to actually score, but just kept clicking on some counter. Anyway after my shower I put my hand on the can. I have used dehoderant before. All you do is to press the button on the top of the can. Simple. Anyway I pressed the button on the can and a huge gyser of freezing liquid shot out close to my important private parts. It suddenly became clear why none of the guys scored with interested women on the TV adverts -- their tackle was frozen solid. Anyway the smell of the stuff is fine. Trouble is I still find myself farting a lot....

Stockhausen versus Judy Garland

I went out and spent two whole pounds for a Judy Garland CD. I guess you get what you pay for. It is some kind of recording of a later show. I was expecting something very innocent and sweet even though I know she was a pill queen. I just cranked up the volume on the Stockhausen classical CD. Absolue incoherent rambly insanity. I have no idea what it means, but it sounds great in a clever way.

Judy Garland

Given that I am expanding my musical tastes by listening to this classical music stuff. Perhaps I should widen what I listen to even further from my standard fare of staple indie CDs. While I was in the classical section of Virgin's I noticed that there were some very cheap Judy Garland CDs for sale. THis has always struck me as a bit of the middle of the road easy listening type of stuff, but she was a druggy with mental health problems, so my kind of singer. Now that Bod Dylan is a DJ I see that he likes Judy Garland as well. So I will be in good company.

intelligence

I just read "everything bad is good for you" by Steven Johnson. This was a very important book about how popular culture is actually making us smarter. I was so impressed by this book that I went out and got a copy of the PsP2 game grand theft auto. I started playimg it on easter monday. I seemed to spend a lot of time crashing cars into walls and rivers. I got quite good at car jacking. I seem to have annoyed the cops because after I punched one in the face a couple of times and the stamped on them to bring up fountain of blood, I would get jumped and arressted. This of course sucks. Sometimes I could steal a a car fast enought that I would not get shot. I was still not fast enough to steal their weapons. I believe there are some kind of missions like robbing a petrol station. It is a huge game. I do get annoyed when I can't get into buildings, although in the real world I can't go into every building. When I was walking to work, I passed all these parked cars. I thought, I could just wait around for the owner to show up, then I could jack the car. Anyway, perhaps I am not getting any smarter, but I am getting new ideas.

Stockhausen

I am listening to a classical CD by Stockhausen. The CD is called "Aus den sieben Tagen". The last time I went to a classical concert was over 10 years ago. I found that I enjoyed the sound of the tuning of the instruments more than the actual performance. Stockhausen suits me well, but I expect that John Lee Hooker is going to get played real soon.

dreams

On Thursday night I dreamt that I was paying a bill in a restaurant. On Friday night I dreamt that I was giving a lecture with out enough preparation. All a bit boring really. No Freudian worries there. I met someone in the pub once who was recording his dreams for a creative writing class. He claimed that the teacher was using this technique to get the students to write stories. I did suggest that perhaps a prerequisite for a writing class is having something to write about... Of course, being an interesting person I can write about paying a bill in a resturant and worrying about teaching. I did have a dream about the Universe once. I watched it for sometime, before complaining that although I admit the universe is beautiful, I would rather have the women back.

Hostel

I went to see the film "the hostel" last night. A normal person is not meant to see a toe being cut off someone with a bolt cutter. There was a lot of unpleasant violence in the film. Of course I knew that before I went, but still there was a lot of blood and guts on the floor. Some of the US made films have extreme violence, just for some attempt to win some kind of oscar for blood letting. There was a bit part for the Japanese director Miike Takashi. He is one the clients who pays to murder people. Miike says "be afraid in there. You will end up spending all your money". This translates to "you yankee wa*nkers are still second best to Asian extreme films".

myspace

I am happy to annouce that I have joined myspace. I was fairly well shot down by Eric, who said "I thought myspace was for people at high school". How mean? The onion has an even better link on myspace. I hope that the link a survives.... I am more interested in the collaborative artistic part of the site. Anyway, most new bands have pages on myspace, so I get to find out the cool happening stuff before....

a day of nothing

I have spent a lazy day -- just doing nothing. In the morning I hacked out around on the web. I the afternoon playing the a psp2 game grand theft auto. I am going to eat some liver and onions and then go out out to see some bands play at the Liverpool barfly. I also spent part of the afternoon updaying my myspace area. Ok, it sounds an idylic life, but I remain unsatisfied. Perhaps, I am too old for these things. I expect I should have spent the day looking at a tree or perhaps walking up a mountain. My interest in gaming has perhaps a touch of interest in non-linear narritive in the web based electronic medium, but I do get very excited when I run over cops. I am haunted by a charchter in crime and punishment by Dostoevsky. He hung around "the younger crowd" to get some kind of advantage. As my says "you don't want to be the oldest swinger in town".

games

I am such a cheapskate. The cost of "grand theft auto sanandreas" a psp2 game went down to the point where I shelled out some cash for the game. I know that if I was really cool, I would have downloaded the game a year ago. Anyway I have now found that I am am even worse driver on the psp2 than in the real world. I seem to have spent the afternoon playing, so I can now drive down the streets without smashing into other buildings, peoples or cars. I am still having problems learning how to use the weapons. I can't seem to shoot straight. I am not sure that this is a good use of my time. Still, it is the bank holiday, so I get to play a little.

going classical

I have always hated classical music. It seems very complicated, just complexity for sake of snobbery amd small penis elitism. However, I have been fairly religously listening to the freakzone radio show on Sunday afternoon. This is show on the very fine BBC6. The DJ faciltator annouced that the show on Sunday was about classical and experimental music. My heart sank. Did I really have to listen to this stuff. The hole point of a show like the freakzone is that you have to listen to all the stuff, because it all about expanding the stuff you normally listen. I may not think I like what I am hearing now, but the nextr track may blow me away -- leaving scouring record stores for the next ten years. It is a bit like when you put your hand in flame to impress your friends. You can't remove the hand util your friends freak with terror and/or puke. Anyway I listened to most of the show. (Apart from a quick pint in the Cambridge), There was a fantastic piece by Stockhausen called Helicopter String Quartet. Cool. This was a string quartet with each musician in a seperate helicopter. The sounds of the chopper went well with the strings. Totally insane, but it converted me to classical music. There is more information here I can't get a CD os this in the UK from amazon. I have spent some part of morning looking for it on the web. Do these DJ people know what they do to us when they expand our musical minds. I was going to spend the day helping cure the sick and end all wars, but instead I ordered: Cage: Sonatas and Interludes for Prepared Piano - John Cage; Audio CD Stockhausen: Kontakte - Karlheinz Stockhausen; Audio CD from Amazon. There are a number of things I am also going to have to get La Monte Young - Day Of Niagra 1955. For completeness: freakzone on 6 music

dreams

I dreamt I did some kind of armed robbery last night. The dream was a bit confusing, but the busies were on to us, but I seemed to get away. My plan was to walk carmly away and get a train to Chester. AS I awoke I thought, I need to hide a bag of stuff at Lime street just in case. Umm, not withstanding the fact that Chester always reminds me of shopping at Laura Asshlys, this was a strange dream. Earlier in the day I did buy grand theft auto san andreas for playstation 2. I thought I had to play the game to get bad dreams.

fun

I wanted a night out last Tuesday. So the magic of the web told me I just needed to go to "Korova" bar on woods steet in Liverpool to hear some bands play. This is not a venue I usually go to, but the venue is close to the center of Liverpool. I found the street, and went to a door-staff free bar, However, there was kind of dancing in the pub. I feel more of a loser sitting in a pub drinking a beer while couples are dancing. A bad omen. I found the venue, but the door was locked. There was a big glass window at the front with a closed purple curtain. I could hear sounds of people having fun while I waited outside in the cold. The story of my life really. However, another day came and I got my chance to hear some bands and drink some beer, Last Thursday I went to see the crack zombie gig at Bar fresco. I was actually let into this gig. I listened to some local metal bands.

almost the end

I am flying back tomorrow via Zurich with Swiss air. I have been trying to make an attempt to eat traditional Hungarian food. Last night I sat in a restaurant ans was all ready to eat some traditional food, when I saw a dish called "lucifers something". I am only human so I ordered that with boiled potatatoes. What wwas the thing that swung it for me, well it was that the dish came with plenty of chilli. I can be bourght very easily....

House of terrors

This afternoon I wnet to the "house of terrors" at Budapest. This is a meseum about the scret police in Hungary. They used the same building that the secret police used to torture people in. The museum is very leverly designed. Even, the heavy door to get gives a sense of dread. I got the audio guide. The communists purge a huge number of people in the late forties and early fifties. The people in charge were power mad (and in most cases just mas as well). There was a fancy car with communist insigna as decoration of the car seatings. The communists used many of the techniques deveoped by the Nazis, particularly the use of terror and propaganda. The meseum didn't just focus on the torturing done by the scret police but also focussed on the failed 1956 uprising that was crushed by Soviet troops. They were so close to be free from the yoke of communist rule. Although they just beat people to death in the cellars they also had some information on hanging. There is very slow lift from the second to basement that has a short DVD on the process of hanging someone. They took some gallows from a prison some place else and put in one of the cells in the cellars. I have never seen a gallows before. What a relaxing way to spend an afternoon on holiday.

Bath

Budapest is famous for its hot water bathes. I did at some stage plan on taking a tip. Then, I could be cleasened of all my hang up and toxins. I could come back from my holiday and say things like "yes I am sure the old Craig would do things like that, but now the new super clean me will just take a glass of water". Anyway I didn't bring any swimming gear with me. It started to look very complicated as the guide books had different days for men and women to use the mud bathes. Also, the guide book noted that some of the bathes were used for gay cruising and some people might not be comfortable with that. So I decided to just take a hot shower at my hotel. So the same person who went away will be coming back.

art

I have just been to see the fine art museum in Budapest. It was a bit late in afternoon to start on beer, so I went to the exhibition of Spanish artists at the galary. I usually spend some time looking at pictures when I am on holiday. Everytime, I think I should really do some reading on "art", so I have some idea what I am looking at, but then as I like what I like, and I am unlikely to follow the words of wisdom of at Eton educated art critic then perhaps there is no point. The exhibtion was packed. There were a number of Spanish painter from the fifteen century to the nineteenth century. I particulary wanted to see the paintings by Goya, for some reason that I can't articulate. The early paintings were of a religous nature. The colours were incredibly vivid on many of the paintings. There was one of Mary Magdiligton, with a tastifully exposed nipple. I bet the artist would not have guessed that in five hundred years, she had gone from whore to wife of Jeseus -- largely thanks to a literary scholar named Dan Brown. After the religous paintings there were some portraits of famous people at the time of painting. These tended to be rich dudes. There were some spanish courtiers who looked pretty mean and evil. I would be the lats person to make fun of their twisty mustaches (even hidden by the safety of a blog). The final room contained the pictures by Goya. There were pictures of simple peasants, maybe a knife grinder. This was a change in style from the portaits of the rich and powerfull. The little card said that Goya got depressed after a stroke and his paintings took on a more sinister air. There was one of battle scene in the spanish civil war for independence that looked like a blood stained mascare with very little glory. The final picture was two boys playing happily with a dog. The colours were bright and immediate. Yiu see I need to do more reading about Goya at least. I wonder if the rest of the audience knew the background to the pictures.

House of terrors

I did manage to see the house of terrors in Budapest. I will blog this up later.

Music

One of the advantages for me taking a holiday outside the Uk is that I am not tempted to buy a lot of books or CDs. I did find a shop that sells CDs. The windows showed all the titles I might expect to see in the UK, such as the "artic monkeys". I have alsao seen people with ipods. Less people here are wired into some digital music system, than in the UK. I didn't note the cost of the CDs, as this would be an imporant onsideration if I would ever want to work here.

Timewheel

While I was killing time around heroes square I saw a sign for "the time wheel". What the f**k is that I thought. So I followed it around the back into the start of the city park. There was certainly a wheel there. Luckily there was a sign to explain it to me. It was a giant hour glass. The sand in the top half slowly filters down to the bottom. It is meant to talk about a year to do this. The wheel probably has a 5 foor radius. Apparently it was build to commerate Hungary joining the EU. It looked cool, but somewhet pointless. Why can't we build, useless, monuments in the UK. We only seem happy to build something that someone can make money out of. We seem to prefer to build Diana's water park, to remind us that the people's princess, was a hopeless sex addict. Even this monument has to be closed, because of all the accidents. I was sort of hoping that that the timewheel could help move forwards or backwards in time.

Museum

I went to my first museum today. This one of the buildings in "heroes square". I originally thought that the buildig was the museuem of agriculture. So I decided to give that one a miss. I began to have doubts about that because a sign above the building had "cool hunters" written on it and there was an art shop in the building. The sign also had a picture of a plump "Myra Hinley" type chick. As, I am not one to pass up an opportunity to be cool, I went in. The only problem I have with modern art is that it usually sucks. Things didn't start well when I went into the room and saw a large number of video screens. Frankly, I find the videos of artists both preticious and terrible. The exhibition was about young people finding their way in the consumer landscape. What I thought were leaflets about the pieces turnned out to be adverts for the computers and terminals. I did actually enjoy many of things there. I wish I had my pen, because there were a number of things I wanted to note down. There are people who use the engines that drive computer games, such as doom or quake, to create films. How come I have never heard of this before? Also, there was a film of some people taking a porsche out for a high speed drive through Stockholm. The ideas was to break as many traffic rules as possible. It was insane. Apparently it is also available on the web somewhere. FRom watching the same screen I could see a loop that played some rap videos where they used porno stars to dance. I am not totally sure what the point of this was, but it works well you watch it at the same time as a porsche drives at high speed through Sweeden. There was another good film of blindfolded children cleaning pistols. Big guns, yeah. In of the rooms there was a loop of five girl bands playing videos. There was also a smoke machine that would sometimes belch out smoke every couple of minutes. One of the bands was from Liverpool. They looked kind of young. I think the band's name was "venus". The film was partly financed by FACT. In fact part of the video looked to set in the coffe shop at the FACT center in Liverpool. One of the good things about modern art is that they don't put much in one room. So even if it sucks you can view it fairly quickly.

SEcond thoughts

As I was walking to the hotel, I suddenly thought that discussing Hungarian politics, while I was actualy in Hungary was probably not wise. Even though Hungary is a democracy, I doubt that people would be pleaseed to hear that a guest to the country described one of their political leaders as someone who looks like he would weld an iron bar. I have been on the look out for a black mercadez car filed with people in leather jackets and shades. Although, I doubt that the Hungarian readership of this blog is so large, I did suddenly worry that I had left the blog page open at the cyber cafe. I could be carried way to a house. Some old guys would look happy to be able to put on their black steel lined gloves agaian. "I have note word these since 1989". Tony Blair would have to intervene to get me released. Even, as I bled and screamed my way through the plane journey back to the UK, honest Tony would be giving press conferences, about even though I had said seom bad things about hime personally, I was still a British citerzin and hence had the protection of Her Magercities goverment. The press would put a picture of me spewing blood and teeth out as I got off the plane under the headline "The idiot returns". Yes, better to say nothing. The weather here is nice and warm. It has not rained fro two days. Life is sweet.

revenge

I am still bitter about this Hungarian wife situation. I have decided to take my revenge. There are some height resrictions in Budapest for how high they can bulld. All buildings should be lower than some famous building that I have already forgotten the name. I have not seen a building bigger than 10 storys. I have decided that I will build the first 40 story skyscraper just to spite them. I will live on the top three foors. I will close one of the famous baths and pump the hot water up to my pool on the top floor. I will then be able to bathe in the hot water and look down on the city. People will look up and know I was there and feel my power and influence. Now that Hungary is part of the EU, the building height restrictions probably contridict some EU directive. Perhaps, these building restrictions hurt my human rights, so could be outlawed in some special way to make me happy. I was going down to one of the cafes close to the parliament building. I could then start the process of getting the approval for my building by buying some rounds of drinks. I have a more cunning plan. My guide books tells me that the Hungarian football team beat England twice around 1955. Things seem to have gone downhill for their football team since then. Although this doesn't mean that they will not beat England again, given Englanf's sporadic form. I think that it is clear that I need this big building to help the Hungarian team beat the English team and win the European football championship, in some way that I believe, but can't prove. Anyway everyone has been very nice to me here, so my dreams of creating huge skyscraper in the center of Budapest is just mean and ungratefull.

MSZP

The MSZP is the new name for the scocialist party that used to run the country until the early 90s. I like the leaders face. I would vote for them, He has a kind of smart and casual face. He would be the kind of friend who gave good advice, but when needed would go round to you enemies face and threaten to mangle him with an iron bar. He doesn't look too crooked, but I was told he is the 83rd wealthist man in Hngary. Apparently, he did very well out of privatation of Hungary assets. He compares very favourbly to Tony Blair, who obly manage to saddle his party with ten million pounds worth of debt to fund the new labour spin machine. I doubt that slimy Tony would ever go round to a friend's house and threaten them with an iron bar. I think that makes him a worse leader than the leader of the MSZP party, So good luck to the people of Hungary for the election. It won't change anything, but if it makes you feel better, then hey. The tour guide on the bus told us that Education is free in Hungary to the University level. How elitist! Hungary will have to learn the freemarket ways of England and start charging.

politics

When I first walked around Budapest I noticed a large number of posters with fat middle aged men on them. I am not perhapss the most perseptive person, but even I thought hat there is an election coming up. I believe that there are parlimentary elections on Sunday (the guide on the tour bus told us). Given that I live in a cuntry where we have a tradition of elections for some of the people for a long time (ok, I should know exactly how long), I feel that I should give the nation the benifit of my experience. However, as I don't vote anymore. It is hard to see the point when the choice is new labour versus tory. What is the difference?

Tourist Bus

When I did get down to the water front I found a tourist bus. This gave me a two hour tour of Budapest. If I can remember all that the guide told me then I know everything that needs to be known about Budapest. I can tick the following boxes: Parliament Citadel Opera house Some churches syngagoue Heroes square. So I did all the tourist stuff in two hours. Now how am I going to fill my time. A glass of beer perhaps.

Thursday

I started my holiday by walking down to the Danube river. It took some time, but there were lots of interesting buildings to look at and no one gave me any crap. There are fewer beggers and general insane people in Budapest, When I got to the river I noticed that all the enterances to the boats were underwater. Where boats, I mean floating restaurants. This seemed strange. Coming from LIverpool, I just thought that this was a way of stopping people boarding the boats and stealling all the booze. Later I learnt that the Danube river has actually floaded. Most of the prominade is under water. I was told that this is the highest tide since records were first made. It makes the river front more serene because it has stopped the traffic a bit. The roads of Buadapest are full of cars, but the drivers are not as super fast as the speed freaky London driving crew.

Children are evil

Today is Friday, so I decided to visit the "Terror house". This is a museum about the secret police in Hungary during the cold war era. However, i could not get in their because there was a huge party of school children going in. The building is so cool and grey. It would be so sad if I could not get in there. I might learn valuable tips that I could use at the Unversitty of Liverpool. Perhaps, I will walk up there again. Bah, children, always in the way.

I think bad thoughts.

I have a terrible admission to make. Do you remember all those TV stories about men bringing women over from Eastern Europe to be their wife. Sometimes, when I am talking to a waitress, I secretly think that they might want to come back with me to the West. However, when I look at the big expensive German cars on the streets and the people are dressed fairly smartly compared to me at least, I think that they are probably happy where they are. In Budapest, they even have bins for dog shit. A city that has time to worry about dog shit on the ground is probably doing ok economically. As far as I can tell I am paying one pound for a beer, so perhaps a better idea is for me to marry some cute Hungarian woman and we can live here. I could perhaps slob out. I can believe that this would not be so appealling. As the title says "I think bad thoughts'.

Thursday

On Thursday, I got up ande decided I better do some tourist stuff After staring at the mapin the guide book, I decided that it would be better if I turned right on the big road close to the hotel. This turned out to be a much better choice, as I soon reached streets full of shops and bars. So I really am in a city. I started to walk down to the Danube.

I wonder the dark streets of Budapest

The area around the hotel seemed very quiet. However, I ddn notice on two street corners a number o women just standing there in the rain. None of them made any attempt to talk to me as I limped past. I first thought there where whores, but they did not try to talk to me. Also they looked fairly wholesome. Perhaps, I was just judging by the standards of Liverpool prostitues, who ask me "whether I am looking for business" and usually seem fairly well strung out on smack. The women were all wearing white. This struck me as strange about a day later, after some intense reflection. I now think that perhaps they were priesteses of some arcane religion. Perhaps, they stood in vigil for the return of some minor God. I had, just moved into the hotel. Coincidence, maybe not?

Wednesday evening

I was not very impressed at the sites I saw of Budapest as we drove from the airport. The city did not look as run down as the outskirts of Moscow do. It was very green nnd there were the familar signs of neon for Macdonalds and chains of similar US origin. Did I mention that Budapest looked very green? As I went for a stroll outsidethe hotel it was raining. Places with green lucushous vegatation get a lot of rain. For my stroll on my first night at Budapest, i went left on the big road next to the big chrch. Everything looked a bit dark and drab. Not many shops around. I thought I must be a long away from the center of the city. There were some bars, but they seemed full of drunken crazy local people, and I was too cowardly to go in. I did pluck up courage to get a cheap chinese meal. When I go to a country where I can not speak he language, I always worry that I will starve, because the locals can or will not understand me. I also worry about money, as I am cutt of my gaurdians in he hole in wall. After, I had eaten my chinse meal, I knew I would not starve and my money was good in this city. Now I just needed to know where I was.

Budapest

I got into Budapest on Wednesday evening. The magic of Expedia meant that I had arranged my transport from the airport already. Normally, I sepend hours worrying about getting to the hotel. THis time some guy turned up with a sign with my name on it. I am a high roller at last. I am staying at a one star hotel called Dominik Pnnzio, that is close to the East Railyway station.